Monday, December 31, 2007


Am having a fucken flu!!



Am gonna change the blog's song again :)

That's a warming thought though..

Oh. & i love Aaron.

oK bye.


Friday, December 28, 2007

Stomach Ulcers

Current doing: Stroking my tummy
Wishing for: Peaceful sleep

Today I expected it to be busy at Noodle.
Lucky it was Me, Ching Huey, Aaron & Ah Pao.
These 3 people are good & fast & reliable.

I am going to die tomorrow anyway.

Today was full of cuts.
I mean for me. I have a long cut on my arms.
I have some splinter on my tight fore finger.
Fuck. It is painful.

Today i was more chatty than usual.
Aaron wasn't focusing enough.
He missed 3 of my orders.
Hahahah. But love him all e sameeee..

After that.. Erm.. Erm..
Serious speaking..
We were joking alot at noodle.

I only know i was pretty looking forward to e end of the day..
So i can be with Aaron.
As clingy as i may sound..

But the stress level was I NEEDED HIM..


& anyway.. I LOVE workin with Ching Huey.
& someone at work pissed me off badly.
It was a girl. Serious shit.
She has no initiative at all. Arghh.

I had chicken wings today..wee~~

My stomach is being seriously bad crap.
I hate stomach pain than anything else.
Oh. Pay coming in sooon!!!~
& so is lover boy's bdae..

I wanna shout out that I miss.. Shirin, Sya2, Netty, iKah & Qiu Yan! Oh & Ryan & Mark & Hui2!! Love u guys to bits & pieces..

P.s i love to tease Him lehh...


Thursday, December 27, 2007

Stupidest Day

Current Doing: Nothing much
Wishing for: Drinks.

Haha. Today was kinda stupid.
Let me go straight to the point.

1st stupid thing happened.

Was that I was serving customer ice water. & i stupidly had to use the rectangular tray instead of the round tray. It wasn't balanced, so the glasses spilled on the tray which certain water just happened to jump & landed on the customer. I apologized profusely & the customers laughed. I was fucking lucky they're really friendly.

2nd most embarrassing.

I am working at e buffet side. Since the restaurant has an Ala carte side & buffet side, I was distracted with my thinkin, that after clearing plates.. i was looking down not knowing i walked around the Ala carte side. I looked up, stood still like one dumbass fer a few seconds, realised i was at the wrong side, sprinted to the buffet side. It was fucking embarrassing. THANK GOD no one noticed!!!!!

3rd stupid thing happened.

I just have to get an overflow of mense on a busy day >.> frustrating!

Add ons

Like i threw the cutleries in the dustbin o.O God knows for what. Oh & my english was all wrong. Like seriously I am wondering what happened. Argh.

Other than that, after work was with BABY~! & that's e only time i enjoyed myself :D

p.s I have fallen... in love :)


Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Chistmas :)

Current Doing: Waitin for Aaron to get back
Wishing for: To get better

So Merry Christmas everyone :D
P.s the keyboard suck. Thanks to Aaron -.-

I couldn't go to Botanical Gardens today.
First day period plus headache (maybe due to e lack of sleep),
& also slight fever.

In the end am spending in Aaron's house till now..
Oh & dun worry. His whole fam is around :D:D
& also we spent ferst 1 hour or 2 eatin potato chips & dipping
it in mashed eggs. It was Yummy!

I couldn't finish. My appetite wasn't here.
Then we spent e rest of the day sleeping.
I was too tired due to the period & the headache.
I just woke up actually.

& hungry..

Oh baby.. Please hurry with the food... Am dying soon ~
& I AM falling....


Saturday, December 22, 2007


Current Doing: Chatting on Msn at e hotel lobby
Wishing for: Be in Aaron's arms. Damn.

So here i am now. In Malacca. & only enjoying the shopping & eating part.

Headed off from Marsiling at around 630am. Hell yeah. & entered Johor by 715 am.

So we ended up getting our breakfast at this north indian restaurant. Called Amma's Restaurant I think. I swear. It was delicious !! Like the spices they used are really different from what I always tasted. & the dining experience is slightly different from most. Like they served Hot beverages North Indian Way I think. If am not wrong its North. Haha. But wth. Aaron! I wanna bring u there one day!! It's really delicious! Oh & shir too!!

Next stop was my Aunt's place. I was asleep there. & by 9.30 am we started our journey. I slept throughout the journey. Its boring. Frankly, I wanted to wake myself up to like entertain me dad or something. Pity him. But i couldn't open my eyes. So yeah thats why.

We arrived at Straits Meridien Hotel at around 12 plus noon. Check in was at 2pm. The hotel is 3 stars. To me its really pathetic. Because am used to 4 or 5 stars. We wanted to. but then, the better hotels were fully booked. & was left with this pathetic. Oh well. Better than nothing.

So I figured out that there's only wireless at e lobby >.>. FUCKING PATHETIC. So yeah u guessed. Am in the lobby bloggin and chattin and stuff.

I went to eat at Kenny Roger's. Then at night went to eat at some unknown coffee shop. But the food there isn't that bad. Urghhh.. I have nothin much to say aside that I am so missing my baby (aaron) & fucking tired due to e lack of sleep. & &. I miss like almost everyone at ulu2. & i am feeling cold :(

P.s I think i'm fallin... :)


Monday, December 17, 2007

Under the block

As usual.

& oh. Aaron is superly adored by me. Frankly. He isn't good in the 'How you're suppose to treat your gf' part. Or like what to expect or do when she's down. Or she's feeling all complicated and confused. Like the mood swings & stuff. But he is good on how to be gentleman. Haha. Like a date kinda thing. Frankly speaking.. I give him a 6/10 fer overall. Pass cause he managed to surprise me. & that he makes me comfortable with him. Other than that.. hopefully he'll slowly learn. & of course. I shall keep him as innocent as he is.

I really mean. Innocent.

& oh. E ex got out of jail. He msged me on a Sat morning. Can't be bothered. I felt neutral.

Right now. I AM BORED! Lemme see what games i can play. Taa~


Sunday, December 16, 2007

Pooped. Anxious

Feeling: Pretty shagged.

& as usual. Its all about the dance thing.

But in a way, i love sweating my ass off. It feels.. Revived..


Then like way morning me & QY woke up .
Just to do last minute shopping at Bugis.

Then practice at 5pm.

Then went off at 8 plus pm.
Then dinner at Shir's place.
Food fucking nice.
Dessert was awesome sia!
Kudos big time to her!!

Missing aaron.
& tadah. Am done talking

P.s Dance tomorrow!!!


Saturday, December 15, 2007

Unidentified feeling

Move on iQi.
Drop it.
Be strong.
Be happy with e new one.

He moved on.
Why can't u?

I'm so gonna kick someone's ass.

Good nite darling Aaron.


Friday, December 14, 2007

Pretty busy week

Yawn. I just woke up. Really exhausted.

& am changing my shift to 5pm todaae.

Last fe days been waking up early and stuff. Then dence practice, then work in the afternoon, then at night slight practices again. Pfft.

I had a really surprising moment yesterday late night/early morning. Well dear Aaron wanted to surprise me with something at night after my work. He said when alighted from bus 178, beep him up. So i did. He called me up n talked to me. & then he told me the instructions. Once i reach my house level, i were to walk 5 steps forward. I did. Then he told me, to close my eyes. I was likem Are you serious? I would feel like a total fool. He just told me to do so. & i did! Then suddenly, he was running down the stairs, & i quickly opened my eyes & saw a bouquet of a combination of what i really love!!! *SQUEALS* *SCREAM* AaaAAaAaAHhHhHHhh!!!~~~

One PINK!!! Teddy in e middle, 3 ferrero rochers & 3 different coloured roses all in one bouquet!! Like.. the wrapping of the bouquet is.. GREEN. SIA LA. My fav colours are in there. & i cant help it but blush a lil. He is like AWESOME laaaaaaa.... I didn't know what to do. Or what to say sia. Oh my god. & after that i danced fer him to see my new dance steps. lalalal~ Thank You SweetHeart :).. I so love the bouquet. & everytime i smell it i literally smell him. Yeah. He sprayed his perfume on the flower. Goodness. He rili wanna torture me.

SO that's all for the update. Nothing much really. Aside that I accepted him on the 12th Dec at 12:12 am. :D


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Its coming 3.30pm

So am doing my last recaps. Yeah. I need to bathe soon.

I am stupid i could say.
I checked. & rechecked the profile.

How much it aches when i see it.

Hell. How much it really ached when I even thought of it.

Lately, my reason to sleep was just to forget.
Its fruitless as I know. The next day I will still remember.

N it'll start to reminisce.
u know. When how I am there to watch practices.
Or even performances.

& suddenly it'll flashed through the laughter.
Although I remember a lot of tears..

& then It flashed thru the bedrooms.
The friends.
The family. The birthdays.

Then slowly to mishaps.
Then watching u sleep.

& suddenly to reflect again.
Another person's on your bed.
Another person's in ur head.
Another person's name on ur lips.
And another person That u kiss.

That dun matter.
Y ? Is it that I'm so easy to be used?
So easy to be forgotten?
Dun my face flash in front of u when u fucked someone else?
Dun you wish it was my scent on hers when u fuck someone else?

Why 3 years with me, meant nothing to u?

Why do u dare say u love me when ur with someone else?
Why do u lie to me when u know am bound to find out?
Why are u feeling jealous when you're e one fucking another girl?

How come its hard fer me to let go this hatred?
Because people tell me to act as if nothin happen.
How e fuck am i to act nothin happened when it is a big thing to me.
U cant keep shuttin me away.
Because U can only understand. But u dun feel me.
U try to be logical. Rational. But u just cant feel e burden of letting some hatred out.

Exact feelings are:

Inside me is in a turmoil. My heart is racing really fast & that its bubbling really badly that I could burst anytime. Revenge is on e verge of my fingertips and seriously, his perfidy destroyed my soul!! It was cruel. Stupid. Senseless & inhuman of wad he treated me as! Of what any guy wud treat a girl as!

I wud say, he can fuck off. People tell me what makes me think that he'll care with whatever am saying here!

I say, i dun need him to care. I just need him to realise. N when he realise. I hope his fucked up attitude is too high in the air that he'll be crashing down so hard. He seriously messed with the wrong girl. & i am going to be a total bitch. Twice!!!

This cominn 2008. Resolution: FORGET THAT BLARDY ASSHOLE.
To seriously get a new job that'll take 3/4 of my time.
Get enough money.
Hopefully go into Shatec.
If not just save up fer my Degree.

Fuck you.



Current Doing: Resting the stomach
Wishing for: Something to do

I had a scary dream. & i now forgot what its about. OH wait. Now I remember. It's about vomiting. Fuckingly disgusting.

So well. Monday was pretty fun. I couldn't make it for my dance practice as I was aching so fucking badly all over. Now it's slightly better. Still! I have to like save up for Sunday! & yes. I am going for dance practfrom Wed till Sat.

So on Mon I went out with Aaron to cut our hair. Haha. It was orite. Aaron looked really young. & yeah to add in cute. We quickly went to our next destination & that's Bugis. Yeah. I was trying to find whatever dresses that i could find. I COULDN'T. & from then on, i realised i will not really go Bugis to buy dresses. Their quality sucks sia. So in the end I just bought this one shades that made me look really rockstar.

After that me n aaron were pretty much hungry. Decided to go Manhattan Fish Market at PS. Yum2 . Both of us ordered the Norwegian King Salmon meal. It waas nice. But didn't really give me that heaven feeling. It was just rili something I wud eat again & again. So after that we quickly took e train & headed for Orchard. To go Far East. Then was walking around when Aaron called me and showed some couple ring. Its really sweet looking. I loove it! Aftr that, we went to search fer my dress. Round & Round we went. & i finally settled my eyes on this greenish shade tube dress. Its really pretty!

Now that am satisfied, we went to British Take Away & bought Fried Mars Bars. Super yum yum. YUMMY LAA!! It so made me melt!!!!!! After that went back to the ring shop to claim our rings and tadah. My ring has his name & his ring has my name. Cutee..

We went back home. Under my block. & started cam whoring. & dancing. Hahaha. Imagine that. Dancing under me block. AFter that we went home as dear isnt feeling all well and stuff. So yeah.

That's all fer now :)


Sunday, December 9, 2007

Cramps Day La.

Current Doing: Lazing around & resting
Wishing for: more money.

So past 1 week was my dance practice and stuff for Christmas party at Ulu2 this coming Sunday. Been pretty tiring and i think i stressed my muscles a bit too much. That led to me walking like a pregnant woman. Haha. Pity Aaron & Shir.

So morning I attended my dance practice.
Afternoon met up with dear Aaron to Causeway point & do some light shopping,bought him a ring, and grab a present for Hui Hui. haha. I gave a very peculiar present for a 19 year old. Hahahs.
& then after that met up with darling Shir to grab her blades back from ECP. Hell yeah its far.
The whole day we end up taking cabs.

From Marsiling to ECP. We walked from ECP to parkway parade to eat Sashimi at Sakae Sushi.
Funny thing was I didn't wanna try raw food. I saw famous amos and wanted to like buy some cookies n make myself full so i dun need to eat sashimi. Unfortunately, aaron & shir managed to pull me back after like me making weird U-turns to escape them.. & me pinching Shir's boobs in the middle of parkway parade. HAHAHHAHAHHA.Shir taught me how to eat the sashimi. She said my expression was priceless. It isnt that bad. Just that. Too much of it makes me go ..mmmmurgghhmm.. But i like e torched salmon!! YUM YUM YUM!!!

After Parkway Parade, we waited for a fucken cab fer more than 1 hour just to go to Sembawang park. We should have grabbed e bus n took a cab from woodlands. E fare wud be little. Damn.i hate cabs. For long distance i mean. So we managed to arrive there ard 12 or so. & well the bbq pit was ok. Many friends came. Its just plain fun laaa... Me & Qiu Yan ended up dancing n stuff. I ended up grinding on Shirin. Hahahaha. So danced and drink and around 2 plus went home. Called a taxi. I was a bit laggy. 0.2 secs laggy. hahaha.

Then we went home.. Aaron accompanied me home. N tadah. HOME. Pheww..
Btw since the xmas thingy. Am changing my song to some Xmas song :D NYEHAHAH.

P.s Its officially over ..


Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Feeling Kinky

Current Doing: Talkin to Aaron & gettin humped on MSN. (LOL)
Wishing for: His smell.

Coz his smell gives me warmth.

Today was suppose to go to Admiralty for my dance prac for the Ulu2 Christmas Party.
In the end I woke up like late plus I dun have key to go out.
So yeah.

I end up goint here at 3pm

Qiu Yan & Naz was the one who coached me.

& frankly. I went to work after that.

& frankly again.


I miss Aaron oredi. How ?

Oh btw. I like to note things that are just the surface. Lots of things sort of happened at work today. Its just that. To me its not that necessary to talk about it.
Or else its gonna make him angry.

Ex msged me.
Tellin me to go his house on the 14th of Dec.
Duuh. For a fuck most prolly.

U humping PAIN leh!!


Xmas is coming~~~~~


I swear. I dunno wad else to write down.
Aside my pay is here?

Baby! I WANT goood fooood~~!


Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Merry Christmas

Current doing: Talking to Aaron on the phone
Wishing for: food

So my first entry on a December.
So i broke off with him.
I broke off with him months ago.
This time. I shall stop being there for him.

Christmas fever is on me.
I volunteered dancing.
Volunteered xmas presents.
WANT to give aaron xmas prezzies.

I love my life right now.
I love that aaron makes me laugh.
I love that HE is just another asshole.


Am hungry.
Am gonna cook up some stuff later.

I met Aaron just now.
It was fuuun.
Because we were hanging on monkey bars.
N the stars were all visible.
N a lot more today.
N i dun call it romantic.
I just find it peaceful.
ADDS in Aaron.
It made my day.

I started smoking.
Virginia slim.
Thanks to Hui2.
She called it a prostitute cigg.
I am so not gonna smoke fer e next month.
If i can help it.
But i promised.

I bite the person again.
This time it was too visible.
His frens asked him who did it.
Thank God i wasnt there.

Am not gonna see Aaron e next 2 weeks perhaps.
Thats NOT depressing.

Gonna miss him.

Any updates?
Nothing. Lalalalalalalala~

Black & white.
Is gonna be the new hair colour.
me & AARON.


Friday, November 30, 2007


Current Doing: Self made manicure
Wishing for: Aaron & whip cream

I turned someone into a vampire.
Now. I have someone to rule the dark world together.
& i just had a self manicure.
& its oh so cute.

Just wait till I go to work n if they have a spot check.
I think i'll be dead.
Dun worry.
Hygiene thingy i will wear gloves.
See. protected.
Rubbers are always good.
Oh yeah.
Tmr am gonna be an assembler.
I shud wear gloves.
I dun wanna chop my manicure.
Oh shucks. GIRLS. *roll eyes*

Secrets out:

I always try get a glimpse of him from far.
Haha. Sounds really sec school.
But really. It was rarely i wanna get a glimpse of him.
Even if i put always.
I only meant it when i wanna see him when am BORED.

Oh. Rhen has been a pretty bad friend.
He ignored me. Totally.
Because maybe am closer to Aaron.
I wonder why..
He like me??
Can't be.
URGH. Whatever.
Aishah also e same sia..
But towards Aaron.

Don't know.
Don't care.
Oh i saw that bastard today at work. In the Manager room.
I nearly said fuck big time.
Coz they were bitching abt me.

Nothing much to add in. urgh..


Monday, November 26, 2007

Fun & Tiring week

Current Doing: Lying down
Wishing for: My belly to like HEAL!!

So Sunday was a cooking day for me & Aaron!!
It was alrite at first.. I mean like..
Its my first time cooking with a guy.
What a cute experience. Yippee!

We bought stuffs from Cold storage.
Was planning on Crabs but in the end we just ate salmon, beef and some other snacks here and there. It was a nice experience. When i arrived at his home.. it was still raining. His mom was there.. I was just tongue tied to speak chinese to her so in e end we just speak very brief qns like nice or not? Haha. She gave me a small token of appreciation. Its really.... shocking... Even to Aaron. Well I guess I made her day. Sweet!

We started cooking and stuff at 6 plus. It was.. hot..
Basically we had dinner :)
Then to his room to play games :)

Went back at 10 plus pm..
Reached home at 2349 hours. Wooo~

Was pretty sick after that. With my Flu and my never ending sneeze.

Work has been fine lately. Just that Wed till Fri i started at 3 till 11. Bcoz :

1) Nothing to do at home.
2) Wanna try to be a workaholic (look at wad happen now. FLU + SORE THROAT)
3) Him :P Aaaron.

Yeah. Thats just it.
& work has their embarrassing and funny moments .
Am not gonna tell you because. Its plain embarrassing. Those who were there knew.

Today met him AGAIN. Because he cycled all the way here.
We didn't do anything much. Because there's nothing to do. End up watching tv, he talking to my lil bro and lil sis. Lil sis calling him Ah Beng. & yeah. Thats mostly it. OH OH. n cycled ard. It was fuuuuun!! & painful. & erm.. drank..

Ok thats about him.

Now about the EX. I do not know. I JUST DO NOT KNOW.
Its fading. I know. it is.

P.s When can we do it again :P???? Sunday??


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Just plain updates.

Current Doing: Just chattin
Wishing for: I don't know. Pasta

Major things first.
Sun spose to go with shir to ECP.
I can't.
& i am feeling guilty about it.
Ignored all calls from everyone.

I do not know whats up with me lately.
Sigh. I shall give Shir a surprise then.

I have some pictures that are tryin to look vamp-ish.
Its really cool to me.
Coz it was mainly the make up.
My make up was plain actually. But overall.. Its e skin tone that counted. & i really look pale. Like death.

Argh. Aaron showed me zodiacs and stuffs. Lol. LOL.LOLOLOLOL.


Anyone going ZoukOut? Hmms..


Friday, November 16, 2007

Never been there for me.

U had never been there for me u jerk.
So why the fuck should i even patch up with u?

U were only about what you gonna do.
U were only there if anything is about you..

U were only there if you're e one who wants anything.

U only provide money.
U only provide things.
U were never there physically when i need you.
U were never there when i need to talk.
U were never there when all others were.

So you said you're busy.

Why commit when you know you can't?
Why commit when the special can't fit in ur schedule?
Why commit?
When you know you're gonna hurt her.& urself in e end?

No. You do not know she's hurt.

You of all people. Should know me the best.
How come i'm feeling.
You're the last person to know who i am?

You said i assume things.
I say what I see.
U said actions speaks louder than words.
I say this is what i see.
N this is not an assumption.

& i hate it that am loving you.
But on e other hand.
I am loving it that i hate you.

So please. Don't come near me. Ever.


Thursday, November 15, 2007


Current Doing: Just woke up
Wishing for: Coffee

Lately have been working. Miss working actually. & normal. Lately have been sleepin real late. Arghh..

There's not much updates that i can put in really.

So here are what i know of:

This Sat.
Maybe going to Ulu2 back with Naziha and her bf and some frens. Its her bf's birthday. SO YEAH. But i dunno la.. See first.

This Sun.
Going out with family to celebrate lil sis's birthday at Seoul Garden. Yeah.

Next Sat.
Is Lk's Dinner & Dance. Paid $25 and am goin. So. Yeah.

Any more?
Cant think of any.


Saturday, November 10, 2007

Last & Final last

I told u.
When i say no.
U will keep saying yes.

So now that i am bored of u whining.
When u claimed i don't matter.
I don't know whats ur motive of talking about me.

I shall wait till ur ego cools down.
& that i dun care what ur side gonna think of me.
N now that u really dun matter to me.
I duno what u want from me really.
To beg u? N satisfy ur ego? In ur dreams.
Oh wait. I forgot. I dun matter.
So stop "blah blah" about me.

I didn't think i was perfect.
I didn't think i was as hot or whatever.
I didn't think i will get myself into this kinda 'Girl between Girl' kinda treatment from u.

Oh well. That's just life la kan.
So here's my last talk about u.
& my last msg to u.
Get a Life to bitch about.
Coz if u do have a life.
U wud have just let this situation talked over n Done.
Not bad-mouthing.
I dun expect a sorry from u.
I know ur ego.


Thursday, November 8, 2007

U Tasted it. But u didn't Get it. HAHA

First of all yeah.

Keep ur emotions in tact. Wait. I dun blame u for being angry.
But it doesn't give you any rights to insult me the way you did.
Especially when ur fuckingly assuming alot of shits.

Well boy. I am worse than her (or so u thought) because she LOVES u.
While i Don't.
N if ur assuming am being random. Its really up to you. Even if i say no.
U will say yes.

N ferst. I won't get AIDS by fucking 1 who isnt e kind who fucks around.
Haha. I didn't even fuck you.
I didn't fuck anyone else except the ex.
I didn't want you to like me in the first place.
In the first place i DID told u to GO.
Look who's putting in your ego.
Stop thinkin you can GET whatever you want.
I dun care if i dun matter to you.
I dun care what you wanna call me.
You can call me anything u want.
But u cant call me LOSER.
I lost nothin. Sheesh.

Oh & please.
Quit twist & turnin like i'm HEAD OVER HEELS about you.

Cause the irony is.

I"M NOT EVEN YOURS in the first place. HAHA. In your face bitch.

Cerita ni bobal sini abes sini.

This story ends here. & i am NOT gonna prolong abt it.Sheesh.


Saturday, November 3, 2007

Down to 3 papers

Current Doing: just woke up from a long nap
Wishing for: Food. Am in need of them.

Paper was ok. I tried to recollect whatever i could remember. Whatever.

Came home tired, & hungry.
Am growing super skinny.
& i hate it.

So well. I just woke up. Had a 5 hour nap to be exact.
Was throwing my tantrum around when e family woke me up.

Kinda pissed at Saga.
Called him up yest to bring Shir's blades and when Shir & her sister went there, he didn't bring e blades and he was fuckin drunk. Fuck the bastard. Full time bitch. I hate him.

So Sorry Shir. I make sure we'll get it next Saturday.

I really cant make my entries any interesting.
Because. My life isn't interesting.
Or at times it is just interestingly complicated.
Complications & dramas come in involving friends & boys.


Or maybe I should write more on those..
Talk or Speech of the day from me.
Like what's been happening around me in my society that kinda shit.

I shall think of one next time.


Silent Cries II

I'm not studying.
Fuck. Why?

What is this blogging meant for again?
Wait. Wait.
To share? To speak out? To tell u r boring life?
I dunno.

But for me. Its where I can vent most of my feelings on.

& somehow.. At e end of d dae.. It makes me feel better.
(provided those who read dun rili bring it up again)

Its like. thousands of ppl reading this.
Thats y.. people took it seriously.

What did i get myself into?
Another love trap thingy?

Now that I have walked on & on & on.
Just to come back to e main place.
It suck.

So i am lost. Who to help me?
Oh wait.. I only have myself now. To help me.

Why do i cry?
Because am..hurt? Or am i feeling sorry for myself for being dumb?
Ego down iqi..

I wish i never grew up..

We know u dun mean tat sweets.

I wish i never have met nor knew him.
I wish i never have so to spare myself.
& i dun care if i sound selfish.
True love.. I had tasted is from me rents..

Why search for me when ur not ready?
Why must people like me when i told them not to?
Why dun they listen when i told them not to?
Why say you love me.. When you don't?
Why are you a jerk?
Why do i feel hurt with e person i love most?
Why do you like hurting me?
Why be with me when u know things will never be the same?
Why call me when you don't need me?
Why promise me when you know u can't be there?
Why call me your baby.. When am last on ur list?
Why..God wants me to meet u?

Because.. ur just another. Asshole. Ur just another guy. & i am happy. To think it that way. I hate you.

Anger & Hurt

Silent Cries.

Current Doing: Pondering
Wishing for: -Nil-

I had some fun time just now. It was always the best with the girls. Never the first.. & never gonna be the last to enjoy every single minute with them.
They are always.. What i call. The best memories.. Even when I'm down, when i think of the times am with them. It just lift me up. It gives me hope that I'm just not alone.

So Shir,Syasya & me had chocs orgasm at erm.. I forgot the place's name. Max something But i know its opposite Harry's :) The chocs there are infinite times better than Ms clarity cafe. I am so happy. Like. It was super delicious. I had like lotsa chocs. In the end, syasya n me n shir kinda got hyperactive. Too much chocs. feeling was way better than sex. It's like in heaven. We literally melt in front of other customers. Haha. E BEST la!

So we were enjoying ourselves. We end up walking along Boat Quay to take pictures. Just a note.. Pics are with Shir. So i can't post any of them here :( SO sorrii. Around 9 plus pm we head for e mrt to meet Fik otw at somerset. So yeah. Wwe all went home. Had an interesting convo with Shir about sex as a culture way back long long time ago before any religion was up. So yeah. Thats much about it.

I am gonna write up something i am feeling..

I am sittin here.
Everything that I could remember..
Be it then or now.

I dun remember.. e last time..
someone really loved me.
& really showed it to me.
I dun remember..
someone showed it to me..
Not with money..
But his actions..

Sorry if i sound.. self-centered now.
Coz i learnt Love is that..
No matter what it is..
You always put HER ferst before you.
N vice versa.
Now tell me...

How am i to do that?
When none really convinced me?
None i know really showed?
Or is it just that..
I don't wanna give a chance?
Give e risk?
Bcoz am scared of getting hurt?
Or scared of me hurting them?

What is it i really want?
A perfect man? No. I don't like perfects.
I rather love an ugly guy..
Who really knows how to love me..
N teach me how to love him..
N be there. Teach me What is love. IN every aspect of my life..
A guy who never fears to show his weak side..
N on e other.. Who doesn't take my body as an advantage..
A guy who considers each other's opinions..
Who listens when am not happy/happy.
Who tells me its right to feel whatever am feeling/gonna feel..

A guy who shows. Love is wonderful. Be it hard times we're gonna have. & make me feel am the only woman in this world he loves & will love forever.

Post script ; Please boys. Don't say you can b the one. Coz when ur with me. You know. It's Hard to be one. & please stop saying I won't know if i dun give u boys a chance. Coz i know. U WILL never be one if everything u do , comes with a price. So. Fuck you.


Friday, November 2, 2007

Malay community in Singapore

Current doing: Just woke up
Wishing for: Something to do

Lately. It was kinda boring. Did not really meet up with friends or anything. Was just stuck at home doing house chores.

So you can roughly guess. It WAS boring. Well. I dun really care anyway.

So I have been contacting this Zul. Frankly speaking, he... isn't really my type. But no harm making friends.

Ok. I wanna talk about my race or something. Somehow, some people misunderstood me. They think i'm against my own race. Well i'm not. I just don't fancy mixing with SOME of them. I shall tell you why.

NOTE: Content do not refer to any being. This is all in general and I meant SOME.

1) I was brought up in a slightly different way. Slightly different way of thinking.
2) When I see my own race, lazing around under the blocks, smoking their life away(not that i dun smoke. I already stop like 1 week & tryin my best), and screaming talking laughing their lungs out oh plus the long hours (& i meant ard 12 hrs or so), i don't think i like to portray myself as them.
3) Like I will start wondering, how come a lot of malays out of school? Like they started having kids. HELL. i dun even give a shit if you are rich. But i pity e kid ur bringing/gonna bring up knowing that IF you have no money, what fuck kind of life would that be? Can't u all be a bit more responsible? I dun care u all ruin ur life. But dun ruin the others.
4) I do believe, we malays are LAZY. I admit, at times i could be lazy but don't u ppl have like some motivation or something?

Psychology shows: These kind of people are deprived of attention. Or to say, some have family problems. It always start from their young.
If so that you people knwo something's wrong in e family, why are u people make it look more complicateD? Like, why are u people plain stupid and ignorant? Are u proud of who u become? Well friends told me its hard to stop when u start; be it drugs,booze,fags,fucks. I believe you & i fully understand cause part of e category is me. & to understand you all, is i have to go through it(thou tat isnt really e reason y i did it). But u have to be responsible of ur actions uh. If you wanna stop, find help. If u dun wan, then i am tempted to say ur a dumbfuck but on e other hand, u may have major issues. So I can only say, if you have trouble, get help. Don't because of ur ego, u dun get help and u suffer alone. Hell, u people know all these stuff. Jangan cakap, " Aku tahu...Tapi susah uh". Seriously, keep ur excuses to urself. The world dun care whats ur reason really. As much as i know, the world IS cruel. So you cant expect those ard u to think differently (in a good way) of you. Coz what you're doing is killing ur already freaked up life. I still dun understand why u malays think really short term. I dun understand why u all cant think in a better way. If your life seems bad, you're e one who makes it bad. If things already happened the way they were, try to change it for e better. Not prolong it. I dunno. I am sad. I fear for u all.

Now tell me people. Is it wrong for me not to really mix with my kind? Yes i do mix with some. But they are people who are constructive. & i love them.

Oh well. That's the end for me.

I miss.................

Urs.. iQi

Monday, October 29, 2007


Current Doing: Revising
Wishing for: To get done and over with this paper

Later on at 10 am will be my F & B paper
If this is done. Meant 5 more papers to go.

Earlier in the evening, went to Northpoint at Yishun with Shirin to drink at Starbucks. & i found out Starbucks just opened at Civic centre (which is much nearer!) just yesterday. I was so fucked up. But oh well. I bought lil bro's game which cost $74.90 (mom will kill me) & my game Sims 2 Seasons. Because I am just a big fan of sims. Don't mind paying $43.90 (actually its to be 42.90 but wth) for the game. I still yet to buy another expansion pack. haha..

Me & Shir made frens with this 19 yr old guy named KIT. Yeah. In NS.. In Army. Erm. It was ok talkin to him. he look bored so i had to like strike up a convo with him. Oh well..

Went off from that place around 9 plus. Met my secondary school friend Rahim. He asked me to like hang around for a bit by smoking. So yeah. I hanged around fer a while. He's one cheeky ass. He asked me if he have any chance of being with me. I lmao-ed. HAHA.

Then when i arrive home. Everyone was asleep.
Around 1 or 2 plus am, i was hungry, n i needed food pretty badly.
Needed someone to like accompany me go to a shop to buy food.
So the nearest person was. Sow.

Now i am full. & happy. & stressed. DUE to paper.

ARGH. I shall continue studying.

P.s Sims 2 seasons kinda cute. I hate the thunderstorm thou.


Saturday, October 27, 2007

Tagboard FOUND!




Ty :)


Worried shit.

Current doing: Looking at Q.Q
Wishing for: The vet to open!!

First it was Tikkie. Tikkie is sick. He's having pretty bad flu virus. He went to the vet. Now, he's spreading to the other 4 cats. For now its 1 though. & that's Q.Q

& i am fucking worried. Q.Q has her mouth like hanging open. She can't breathe through her nose now. She needs to breathe through her mouth. Her flu is pretty bad.. She is coughing as well. PLUS she feels warm. So i guess she's having fever.

I couldn't go to the vet cause its closed now. Night clinic's only open on Mon til Fri. Now Fik is worrying. Mom is worrying. I AM worrying. Fuck. I can't stand lookin at my baby like that. I dun want her to die!!!

Note: I just read up that cats DO have HIV. But its called Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (FIV). Cute eh. But its not due to intercourse -.-. Its due to blood or fluid contact. & that includes saliva. If a cat is a home cat, NEVER let it out.

My cats get their flu virus from outside. ARGH. I cant stand this. Q.Q please get well soon.

Oh yeah. I don't have a tagboard so. Fuck it.

Am still deciding if i should go for the Halloween party. But i dun wanna waste $20 on a lame one. Planning to go clubbing but i didnt get my halloween costume yet. so yeah. fuck paartying. I guess am stuck home studying fer my monday paper? can't wait? HAHA. Hell i cant wait to finish up all my exams and party my ass off for sure.

Nothin much of updates just that I am goin back to working on the 4th of November.


Glitch after Glitch

Current Doing: Eating junks
Wishing for: Menses to stop still.

I am like super bored right now. I am done with studying.
Gaming will come later.

I am almost done with stupid updating blog glitches (still figuring out since 2 pm) , updating tagged & friendster profile.

Edit pics here and there to make the blog/friendster look a bit more appealing (though i dun find any much difference for my friendster as I am not gonna be active there.) Plus i hate friendster cause it is too known. & private pics of mine are seriously too private for them to see. Well i dun care what the outsiders think, but i do care of what MY relatives would think. I hate unnecessary confrontations. They won't understand what's photography anyway.

So i decided to like make my blog public again. For now. I dun have much gossip. So i shall make it public.

Aaron is always super sweet. I pity his pinky o.o Seriously. I mean. U'll get what i mean if you go to his blog.

I have not been chattin much with dear Hafez. I hope he's ok. Miss him loads. This new buddy of mine, Zul. Is super nice. As in. Super nice as in. Cool fren. Crapping around with him is cool.

Dear shir wanted to go Bintan. I doubt so I wanna go. I mean i wanna party and stuff but.. Bintan is far :( I mean far frm me mommy. & it feels unsafe & my mind thinks its a bad idea. I wanna go Genting!!! Anyone please choose to go Genting pls pls pls psl splsp slspslsplspslpslpsl.!!!


Friday, October 26, 2007

Freaked up

Current Doing: Eatin cookie
Wishing for: MENSES TO STOP

i spendt 2 hours plus on editting all the stupid shits. There's a glitch for my tagboard. so till i figure out how the hell am to make my tagboard appear. In the meantime. u cant tag me :( Boohoo!! Shitos.


Am super hungry n super weak lately. & I HATE IT.
mense cramp isnt any better. & i hate this.

Fuck. I hate it when my blog is so not perfect. Fuck fuck fuck.
I hope i can get ready soon. Or my cramps much better.
Pity faizal. He asked me out and stuff. oh gosh.


Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Shit Moofo Furck BLOG!


Something's wrong. Like when I edit anything on my template or even tryna change to a new template, all the positions of e stuffs are everywhere. Like mayhem. like something has triggered them to be like tat. shitos.

Now I can't do anything. Lemme try edit it on my sis's comp. URGH. this is so not convenient!


Saturday, October 20, 2007

Best at first. Traumatizing at last.

Current Doing: Chatting
Wishing for: To forget what happened.

Had my sup marketing paper just now. It was easy. Because the questions are like exactly the same that I studied everything for it. If I dun get a distinction, at least a pass. Wee~

So after that went to find my handbag. Decided on this Charles & Keith Handbag. its white and transparent. Cool eh. I am too lazy to take a pic of it. After that, I'm going Raya outing with Fik & Team LK. So. I had to head a bit later due to my paper.

Fik fetched me from home and so we rode to Bishan. I thought it's gonna be like 5 or 6 bikes. It was like 10 bikes or so. big time Yikes i tell you. It was kinda happening. With e big group and all. That was in the day. We went to like 5 houses. After the 5th house, we were to head to Woodlands, to adeQ's house. But at Yishun, near chong Pang, 2 of the bikes had an accident. 3 of our members fell. Bruised very badly. 2 of them got warded.This incident happened at 7 plus PM. One of them was a girl. She dislocated her arm. it was fucking bad. She had a lot of bruises. And she was crying. She was in Pain. I FELT her pain. Behind them was.. adeQ & Naz. Luckily Naz had an e-brake or else, adeQ n Naz wud have been thrown out of their bikes. Shit. I was lucky Fik accelerated. If not. Both of us wud get involved in it.

Oh well. I was traumatize. Like. i was SHIT. WTF just happened. I cried a little.. Coz i was like frightened. adeQ was rili frightened too.. Sigh..


Wednesday, October 17, 2007


Current Doing: Sitting back & relaxing

Wishing for: espresso

LOTS LOTS of things happened.

Not really bad. But good things :) & i rarely put good things up so i shall put aside all those whines & complaints of mine. First up.

Yesterday, I talked to Hana. Well I apologised to her sincerely due to some misunderstanding and wrong information. So it was alrite la.. I dunno how it is on her side really. But I know. I sincerely forgive her IF la she did bitch or anything. About the others. Am not too sure.

This morning. Hana & Vanisha told me to go to e front. They showed me somethin freakingly surprising. Our last minute project, got ....* drum roll plssss....* *drum roll******.... AN A!!! YAHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! That makes it like I have TWO As now!! YAHOOOOOOO!!!! F&B & Case study am not too sure cause i didn't get mine back just yet. Oh well. Shall wait.

Later on i have skool. & its e last day of skool. After that. Exams *shudders*

Shitos. Exams. SHITOS.

I AM happy!!!!!! Someone gave me a bouquet of Teddies!! ARHHH!!!! I CAN GO CRAZY!!! ARHHH!!! LALAALL. ARHHHHH!!!

Thursday & Saturday. Hari Raya Outing >:)

Oh yeah. Friday. I need to book Toni & Guy on Fri. Till here.

P.s I had ood food for e past 3 days :D:D


Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Nothing in this world. Is for free.

I push away those who care/cared.


I hate u Taufik.

I need to run. & hide. Get away. Dun wanna face anything i'm facing.
Sigh. Life. LIFE. Sigh.


Monday, October 8, 2007

Over & over & over & over again..


Isn't Love.
Without Pain.

Isn't Life.
Without hardships.

& now.
My challenge.
Is Me.

What is wrong with me?
I dun blame the world.
Of what wrongs happened.

What is love?
Aside from my family's?
What Am I Thinkin?

I told many.To fuck off. Told some not to come near.Told a few i like them. Told a couple I care. But told none. Of how how much he meant to me. & e issue. is? Me,Myself & I.


Sunday, October 7, 2007


Current Doing: Relaxing
Wishing for: coffee

So goes my Tagboard. At 1541hours if am not wrong. Someone using my name & goes saying "I need someone!" Woo~~ Tryin to make me look desperate huh.

Oh well.
I am flattered you wanna be me :) But go and find ur originality ok.
& as much as i'm single.
I have high abstinence.
& if . JUST IF. The imposter is someone who hates me.
Get over it already. Stop being rili stereo.

To Hidayat.
I DO remember you now!!
I used to be your Mary Jane remember? AHAHAH.
But erm. I forgot how u look like :S AM SO SORRRII.

Am bored. Bored bore bore boerbeorbeobreorbeobreoeorbeod.BORED.

Food today was macaroni cheese. I hope it makes me fat. At least.


Friday, October 5, 2007


Current Doing: Lazing Around.
Wishing For: Espresso laa.

Wait. Let me check my visits and scores.
Woo~ Thanks to those who have recently visited.
And tagged.
OH well. That's life la kan.
Life isn't life without bitching.

& so. Now. I'm thinkin of what someone told me.
I have been changing cliques ever since Day 1.
DUH. I make frens.
& So. I apologised to them. For what I think I did wrong.
But other things that i KNOW they did wrong. I shan't apologise.

OK cool. So school's gonna be alrite for me. Am away from them.
Now am more able to concentrate on. Studies.
Hawabi Sultan is a nice lecturer after all. Understanding.
Can't wait to go out & eat later. Haiya.

Ok that's it for now.

P.s I can make 6 volumes of u people. I bitch. Coz u bitch-ED. It won't make me any different from u all. But it makes u all feel what i felt. U dun care? I dun care either :) Not anymore after this entry.


Wednesday, October 3, 2007


Current Doing: Stressed with Project

EH fucker! U really managed to pissed me off like shit. Congrats and thousands of BRAVOS for u la eh . THANKS EH. THANKS AH.

Oh yeah. Firstly. STOP JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS LA. WHO E HELL ARE U?! I have other fucked up things to clear & i cudn't be there for u when I CAN NOT!!


& IF UR GONNA SAY I DIDN'T TELL U. U JUST HAVE TO FREAKING WAIT AH! OH HELL. UR TIMING WAS JUST NICE. TO make me kill SOMEONE! SIAL UH. What's with promises? I promised I be there for you WHEN I CAN! I HAVE my own fuckign life to struggle through too ok. Pls k. PLS ah.

I shall let u fucken cool off uhh. Am sick & tired of complaining about u! Sheesh! BUZZ OFF!


Ade 3 pompan sundalan yang dkat dgn ako. Dorg peh puki sume dah mmg jahanam. Sial pe cibai!! KORANG nak balek. Balek. Korg pe BUIH tak msg tak kol ako bler ako dah sampai! PALA buto KORG. ABEH. Project sume in the End, AKO JGK PE yg buat. KORG STAKAT CARIK INFO. DAH NMPK SAH KORG PE INFO DAH SIALAN SALAH. AKO IGT KORG PEH PANDAI. ALAMAK. AKO LUPER UH. KORG UKAN EXPRESS KAN DULU. SIAL TOL. Look here ladies. I may not be going skool much but i can fucken understand & i can fucken learn on my own! & HELL. I dun need u ladies to start talking behind my back. To think am so fucken close to u girls. E reason y i HATE girls la eh. One by one ur mouths are like a chicken's pie hole! U can only rant! Ur fucken lucky ur girls. Ur fucken lucky we still have to do our project. Just wait la k after our project. BATANG IDONG KORG Pon ako tk pandang la sial! HYPOCRITES SAK. Ur just fucken lucky I am patient. Hell. I can't stand girls.

& hence forth. Ex bf got in contact with me. Dear Bob has been pretty cranky lately I think so. I am ocntented with my life for now. & i have lotsa things to think abt. Fucken stressed up.


Monday, October 1, 2007

Millions of Apologies

Current Doing: Nothing much
Wishing for: Assignments to finish quickly

I am so sorry I have not been updating for quite sometime now. I must tell u people something. Just so that u know, when I open up my blog and stuff, I am only active the ferst few weeks or months to say. After that, i'll slack my way through. I prefer to keep certain happenings on my own and stuff. But oh well, I shall just update the most recent ones that I can really remember.

I remembered going out with Fir (to recap, the long lsot fren) to far East and eat Sakura. & then he bought Viceroy. Haha. sweet. And we ate Fried Mars Bars. I so love that. The next week went to the same place with Wan. Ate fried mars bars again. & coincidentally met dear Zyed who's now workin in his mom's Co. Woohoo i tell u. Rich bugger. Sheesh. & then a few days back went to Amirah's Grill with the sweeties. Shir,Sya2 & Syaz. It was Syaz's bdae so that's y. It was a cock up. But nevertheless, we did celebrate her bdae. WooHoo to dear Shirin. I so love her. & loves. The main course for me was ok. I asked fer medium Rare. They made it well done. Thanks eh.

After that, me & shir followed me `rents to Mustafa Centre. I was too tired after that. Slept at around 6 or so.. & then the next day. Off to work.

Oh yrah. Am on 1 month vacation from work.. to Study. Yes. I have to study. 7 modules i have to fucking study. Big time ARRRHGHGHGHH!!!

Let me see.. If there's anything else. Am not up to contacting anyone much. Colleagues said I look stressed and that I gone skinnier. Shitos . frankly. I feel stressed up. I really have no idea why. Mayb its because the study stress is here. Its good u know. Its good. haha.

P.s Nipple in pain. Other than that. that's it. Taa~


Wednesday, September 19, 2007


We, the children of the earth
Pledge to protect, guide & care for
the innocent, sick & opressed who have been broken through illness, circumstances
or crimes against humanity.

I, Azwina Fitria, pledge to do all that I can
Within the best of my ability to aid
My fellow brothers and sisters of the human race
Who have suffered burdens through the ignorance & selfishness of mankind.

I will strive to eradicate fear
& spread the message of love & peace
One soul at a time to those suffering from the poverty
of the mind, spirit or body.

I promise to help them rise,
To fight these wars with courage & faith
To make this place a better world
If not for us, then for the future generations

& for this I am called to duty,
to fight this war that has developed
Through the decadence of society
With all that I am & ever will be.

Credits to: ©2007 * Shirin;taintedbliss

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Haunts. Back. Me. Argh!

Current doing: Just finished reading F&B Mngmt
WIshing for: A freaking smoke!!!

I shall voice what i have been doing the past God knows how many days.
I shall start all the way last last SaturdAY.
Lotsa things happened actually.

Ok. Went to Cuzzie Naziha's bdae BBQ pit. It was alrite. But it was nicer in the evening. I made frens:) Again :) & found someone I know :) Again:) & sooo... Me & shir went rollerblading. I shall rush this entry. I fell down coz i rolled over mud. Dammit. & i scar-ed myself! Shitty la sey. & then a by passer helped me up. thank God. I wasn't embarassed or anything. It's painful!! & so blade a bit more here and there. Then around 8.30pm sent back. Oh well. I was stressed up when i found out the ex got another. So i kinda smoked my ass off. Instead of getting drunk. I smoked my ass off. Yea. SMOKED MY ASS OFF. Dammit. then Shir's ex msged her sayign there's underage party at Phunk Bar. Bcoz she's not legal just yet. & i badly want her company. We went to Phunk Bar. I can only say. Oh shit. What a place to go. I enjoy the songs. Not really the company. Like PFfFFFFffT!!! . Then Saga came and bought 2 jugs of JD coke. So erm Shirin drank it all in less than 30 mins. Yikes isnt it. Thanks hun ^.^ & then we headed to MOS. Shir can't go in. In the end headed to Pump Room. The place's kinda. 30 & above o.O But i enjoyed the last song oni. Hahhaa. & Baileys on the rocks.. *shining eyes*

& soo.. We went off at 3 plus. Reached home at 4 plus. Shir bunked in with me. HAhA. Shir. SLeeping with u feels rili lesbian. Serious shit.

Then Mon & tue & wed went out with Bob. Wed afternoon went out with Wan & guess what. Faris' gf is a.. the girl that i made frens with at phunk Bar. Small world la sey. Kite kecoh la skit..
So after that we went to eat at Bugis whereby its hawker centre that was fucking crowded. N i hate the heat. I didn't finish my food because I had food before that. Then we watched a fucking fucked up lame movie called Naraka 19. DO NOT watch it. EVER. ITS a fucked up fucking BULLSHIT la sia. I felt really bad wasting Wan's money. After the show, met Shir after accompanying her somewhere. She was happy. & NEGATIVE had never sounded POSITIVE. *dances* So we went to Beach Rd to eat. Some muttons or something. & we had BBQ chicken wings. Yummiee.. Shir bought ciggies. Sampoerna -.-' I hate e after taste. Then we head backk home and talk3.. Then I was home. Hee. Wed was really simple.

Friday was work. Yes yes. Work. Saturday.. was.. Home all the way. Sun was wek. Mon was.. some shitty stuff happened.

Tuesday was memorable. Daddy said he love me. I was so damn touched. I love him so much. I cudnt cry. Or else my fasting is in a way. Broken. I ended up being in civic library. So yeah. thats that :D & after that accompanied Bob to BBDC. Got his license. *WENG**WENG* then went break fast wit shir at Causeway POint Banquet. Hanged around and smoke. & tadah. Home.