Monday, August 20, 2007



Out of tears..

Emotions out of control..

Here comes all my fears..

& now wishing my tears not to roll...


Feeling hurt & betrayed most..


Why do i feel this way even after the end?

U can't imagine how am lost...

& far away in my world i strand...


I don't wanna keep you in my thoughts anymore.
No i dun. Please leave my heart..
Please leave my life...
Please leave my dreams..
U & Me. Will Never Be.
For as long as i know..
Cause u hurt me so...

P.s Please... I beg someone.. please rescue me.. Coz his perfidy destroyed my soul...


Tears Streaming..

Current Doing: Cryin. & crying.. & crying..
Wishing for: Patience..

The first time I did..
After days,hours of forgetting..
But eventually..The past managed to catch up..
& making me feel like..regretting..

Im just gonna spill...


How u made an imapct in my life..
How all words filled me up with hopes n dreams..
Only to realise that its now gone.. shattered..
How much i loved you..

How I wish someone could count the tears I poured for you..
How much I love to go on again with you forever..
How much I wanna tell you all e sad songs that I had meant for you..
How I really wish u ARE beside me now.. On the phone with me..

Now i have to face it.
Face the consequences of calling it off.
I HAD to do it. I know I do.
If only.. If only u understood me..
I wud stand by you... Forever..

Now i'm as lonely as ever..
I dun regret my decision..
But I wanna thank you..
For teaching me whats love..

Thanks for bein one of the best bf that u cud be..
& the worse one at e same time..


P.s..I would have loved you with everything i have with me...If only we were meant to be.............*sobs*..if only.. u can see my tear stains on this entry..It wud have smudged all e words...

Sunday, August 19, 2007


Current Doing: Listening to songs naked.
Wishing for: A lot of things la.

Few days back wasn't feeling particularly well. But oh well. Am slightly better now.
Went to Bedok to Mama's house 2 days ago. N overnight there.

Rewind some more went to town with Wan & Shir. It was enjoyable in one way or another. First me and Wan went to eat at BK. Truthfully, I dun really like eating these places. Hahha. So Shir came around 630 or so. So yes. We end up eating at SteakHouse. Hahah. The waiter was a very good service-er. I mean like. they really do give good service. & then I threatened Wan if ever he gets on my nerves am gonna end up flirting with the waiter (whichever waiter that'll come to pur table when i say "bill pls"). he was like haha. I left some tips for the waiter coz i think they should get it.

Then we head ourselves to the movie. Rush Hour 3. It was predictable. But funny. Thanks to the humour. It wasnt boring.. Then we have really nowhere to head. We head HOME. YES HOME.

so forward a bit. Went to mama's house. Met Wan again. Coz he lives at Bedok. Then didn't go work coz nt feelin well... & then go TM babysit this small boy with Wan,Ace & Ween. Gahhhh

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

A week of Vacation (HAHA)

Current Doing: Thinking

Wishing for: Food.

This entry may be a pretty long one cause am going to relate what happened a week back so yes. HEre goes last TUE ok.

Mark wasn't in high spirits. He saw Ahra & KL huddling together in the front seats in bus 178. The bus where me,bob,Mizi,Rhen & Dear mark took most of the time. To lepak at Blk 123 or something. So yeah. Mark was on e verge of breaking down. I cud see tears on the brim already. So we alighted after e couple.

We walked. Bob was feeling playful that night. God knows y. I don't even know why. So... we were like acting playing tough when bob accidentally slapped me. Knowing me.. no one has slapped me before in my life.. My blood shot up. Not too high as i didn't scream/shout. But high enough to give him silent treatment for till the next time i were to see him around or smth. First msg given to me.. was one long page of 'sorrys'. OH yah. Just to not down. E boys were drinking that night. Due to Mark. He wanted to get himself drunk n stuff. So yeah.

So back to the sorry. I ignored that msg. Then came another msg.. attached to it was something i wud call it as a flatter. I ignored it again. The 3rd one came in as a shock.. He confessed he like me. Erm.. yeah. Out of e blue. Which girl wud bilif u tell me? All the jokes he hurled at me was sometimes hurting n stuff but being me.. I wasnt sensitive at e point of his jokes(coz he's lucky i wasn't having my menses when he joke all those insensitive stuffs).. So yeah. So we kinda argued(reasoning) about him being all jokey after making me angry. But well. I told him i wanna sleep. N he sent me one msg i cant bilif. Its like .. erm.. a fish out of water kinda thing. so yeah..

The next 2 days (Thurs) was NDP.

Me & Safwan went out to eat at my workplace. Since. I had never eaten there with a guy..(dun hope abt my ex. He rejects almost nething i choose.ALMOST)So i brought him along. Plus he never went to Night Safari before.. SO haha yeah. He was being very gentleman. Very nice of him. & he enjoyed Hor Fun very much. I shall remember that. Haha. It was really fun laaaa... Oh plus.. He bought me Ferrero Rocher!!! Wee~~~~!!! I LOVE IT! Ok . I will Update e pics. Its oni 2 pics. So yeah. Oh not to forget. We went to eat at Bongo Burgers too. but that is like a snack and stuff. Told bob e day before that I am coming with an old fren of mine who's a guy. He said ok. So when I went there.. Saw Bob. & intro them. Bob seems ok... Until the night phonecall reveals.. He isn't OK. at all. We ate wedges & drank Terquilla Sunrise(me) & Long Island Tea (wan). Haha.. So we went off from that place around 10.45pm..

Wee hours came. So I called Bob up. He told me.. That Shahril knew abt this thing. abt Him liking me. I asked him how. When i went with wan, he was exceptionally quiet. & he was off mood. Shahril sorta suspected it was because of me. & Bob confessed coz Shahril is like his 6 yrs friend. Bob told Mark as well. So yes. here u go. So it IS true..

I shall not dwell on this too much.U know e story roughly..

Skool started 2 days ago. Freak. It was a damn tiring first day... Ok. For today.This is it. I shall write another one after this entry..


Wednesday, August 8, 2007

To think of..

Current Doing: Listening to Beautiful Girl
Wishing: 80GB external memory

I need that space for my games. I can die without these games o.O
Oh well here goes some of my rants:

1. I doubt I am going to contact the EX anymore. Last 2 days alot of things happened. Its just that. He thinks i will be blogging here n tellin everyone its ALL his fault.When i know YES. Its NOT all his faults. I know that very well. But I can't go back to him because of certain reasons like what a lot of thing happened (all these reasons has been censored coz..if i were to tell ur all gonna hate him..I dun want u all to hate him. Only a few knew what they were.) last time. & if i were to go back to him.. its called suicide move. Yes. As much as i still love him (but truthfully, lesser than the time i really loved him).. I have to be smart right? So yeah.

I really care and at the same time. I dun want to. See? Y i normally follow my head? Instead of my heart? Coz my heart most of the time.. deceived me.So here u go. PPl. stop telling me to listen to my heart. I wont. I wont.

Oh yeah. Erm BIG NEWS. This BIG NEWS will only be to night safari people. Those who works at Ulu2 or Bongo. HAHAH. I will blog it when the time comes or when it is CONFIRMED.

Hmms. I didn't wanna go to Krunk Siloso Beach Party because its an underage party. OK YES. I know i just turned 18. The MAIN reason y I didn't go underage parties when i wasn't 18 yet was because I HATE underage parties ok. NO DRINKING. its like. Might as well u dun party. Oh n well.. Yeah. I just dun wanna go underage parties.

Ok other than that PLANS:

1. Thursday go to Zoo & Night Safari with this primary school fren of mine called WAN. Since he NEVER step into Night safari before. SO yeah. We're gonnna get lunch n dinner all from there. So yea. He is excited.

2. Am still waiting for FEZGUIN's date & time to go out n eat!! HAIYOh. PROCRASTINATOR LA sidini.

3. Saturday. Rollerblading!! YAy2!!!

4. Skool starting next MONDAY. Yahoooooo~!

ok. that's it. haiyah.. i missed him. dun. dun think abt it..


Monday, August 6, 2007


Current Doing: Chatting & Frust
Wishing for: E words I t yped to come back.


I shall narrow down straight to the main story for Saturday.

Went drinking at BFD at East Coast with Shir.
Had fun really. With this random Ang Moh name Bryan who bought us dranks.
total 4 shots of Baileys. Shir had more. A LOT MORE.
We also Drank Jack Daniels 1 jug.
I was high. Really high.
Shir was high too. Nearly drunk.
WE made frens with e Consultant & the bartender. Fun Fun.

Here are e pics.

This is one eidtted one. I was nearly high in here.
Cause we haven't get our Baileys Quick Fuck.

This is Shir & Me. Also nearly High.

Me. & my red face. I hate my red face.

This looks so emoshit. But its a random pose.

HAha. In e toilette as u can see..

P.S The bartender was cute.


Friday, August 3, 2007

Feeling 'Pfft'

Current Doing: Munching on Kinder Bueqno Aza bought fer me.
Wishing for: Harry Potter & e Deathly Hallows


This is boring.
It is like everyone who's spose to be online at nite. isn't online.
Is it because the whole day i wasn't online?
I think they thought I abandoned them.


I wudn't abandon anyone (unless they are fucks).
& plus i never abandon anyone without saying goodbye ;)

Oh well.

Things to look upon:

1. Going to a pit at Pasir Ris this Saturday.
Mom, Dad - expect me home late ok.

2. Still considering Siloso beach party
Mom, Dad - trust me. I am not going to drink (*prays*)

3. Prays that I pass at least 2 modules. Or else....

4. Missing Syasya rili alot.

Whatever it is. I only know my life is pretty... Stagnant..

Should I be blogging about Azahar now? Ok. He is courting me. Ok.
There. I let e truth out.
As much as i appreciate the attention..
I am really not interested to have another.
After my last rship.
& almost a lot knew i am still not over him yet..
I can't and don't want to have another.
sigh.. I rejected him over n over.
With whatever his advances were. I CANT. N WONT. N DONT

Am just not ready.
I hope Fik is fine with everything he's doing.
I hope Aza is fine with what i just blogged.
I hope Fezguin is online la sey!!!!! HAIYA

P.S I found my primary skool fren! *yippee*


Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Change of Plans

Current Doing: Watching Simpsons The Movie
Wishing for: Java Chip Frap, Fish & Co, Pastamania

Ok. I shall confirm one thing. My mense is coming. -.-'

Another thing:
1. I am NOT going to KL.

Reason: My mom wanna see those who are going to come to my house. Apparently, everyone says they're busy. I don't know how true is that but yeah. So i told them to like go on without me. & yeah whatever.

2. I am planning to go Krunk Party @ Siloso Beach. Yes. & party my ass off.

Reason: At least its in Singapore and i can party my ass off.

3. I am bored. Entertainer went out jamming.

4. I am still fucking pissed off with Taufik.

My dear friend asked me out when i was still asleep. & i had to like not go because I was asleep then. I asked everyone if they can like accompany me(not everyone i asked thou). ARGH! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

FUCK SIAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Relation to PhiQ'S Profile.

I am goin straight to the point.

Firstly THANKS a LOT for telling the whole world about us. Yeah. & some of it isn't even true.
FirstLY, i DO NOT & HAD never made ANY possible ways to say this break up is ur fault. If u rili remember, i had ALWAYS said this breakup is OURS. In a rship, its always abt US n NOT U or just ME. GET THIS STR8 TO UR HEAD. Second, u can't DENY that I AM neglected. EVEN though u did try to make time, & it always involved FUCKING which am gettin sick n tired of it.

& my entertainer is just a FREN. What's ur problem? we NEVER had talked on the phone. DO NOT assume. THATS WAD u ALWAYS told me. I LIKE my singlehood YES. BUT IT DOESNT MEAN i go FUCKING ARD like a free WHORE. COZ I AM NOT. PLUS. YAH. I DO MISS U N STUFF. I DO LOVE U. BUT I AM NOW SCARED TO FEEL ALL E LONELINESS. TO BE ATTACHED & at e same time.. feeling like i have NO ONE. & U KNow me. WORDS ARE POWERFUL TO ME. ESPECIALLY WHEN I A M HURT. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. THATS JUST ME. & I HAD NVR TOYED WITH UR FEELINGS. Like U, with no one to talk to after e break up, u went to that girl to help her. For ME, i need someone to at least talk to when am lonely. Thats just it. Coz THEY can give me attention. While u CANT. & i dun seek LOVE from them. GET UR FACTS STR8 LA eh. & stop being a SORE LOSER tryna pin point everything to me! COZ U know urself. I CANT FALL I N LOVE NEMORE. I CANT.

& WITH THESE PAST 3 YRS. U HAD ALWAYS TOOK ME AS I HAD NVR CHGED. UR JUST LIKE MY PARENTS. E oni thing u wanna see is my past flaws. But u never wanna see what good stuff i can do. I just have to get away from u. Coz WHEN I WANNA LET OUT MY FEELINGS TO U. U WILL GET ALL MOODY. & U START TO TAKE MY TALKS AS NAGS. SO IT JUST SHOWS THAT U DUN WANNA HEAR. SO GIMME A GOOD REASON Y AM I SPOSE TO STAY? Ur money is not the love i want really. I seriously want attention. & thats that. U cant gimme. Then u can give ur VERY GOOD GAL FREN N BE THERE PHYSICALLY FOR HER OK? COZ I HAD NEVER HAD THAT KIND OF TREATMENT FRM U.

So tell me now. Is it JUST my fault?