Wednesday, September 19, 2007


We, the children of the earth
Pledge to protect, guide & care for
the innocent, sick & opressed who have been broken through illness, circumstances
or crimes against humanity.

I, Azwina Fitria, pledge to do all that I can
Within the best of my ability to aid
My fellow brothers and sisters of the human race
Who have suffered burdens through the ignorance & selfishness of mankind.

I will strive to eradicate fear
& spread the message of love & peace
One soul at a time to those suffering from the poverty
of the mind, spirit or body.

I promise to help them rise,
To fight these wars with courage & faith
To make this place a better world
If not for us, then for the future generations

& for this I am called to duty,
to fight this war that has developed
Through the decadence of society
With all that I am & ever will be.

Credits to: ©2007 * Shirin;taintedbliss

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Haunts. Back. Me. Argh!

Current doing: Just finished reading F&B Mngmt
WIshing for: A freaking smoke!!!

I shall voice what i have been doing the past God knows how many days.
I shall start all the way last last SaturdAY.
Lotsa things happened actually.

Ok. Went to Cuzzie Naziha's bdae BBQ pit. It was alrite. But it was nicer in the evening. I made frens:) Again :) & found someone I know :) Again:) & sooo... Me & shir went rollerblading. I shall rush this entry. I fell down coz i rolled over mud. Dammit. & i scar-ed myself! Shitty la sey. & then a by passer helped me up. thank God. I wasn't embarassed or anything. It's painful!! & so blade a bit more here and there. Then around 8.30pm sent back. Oh well. I was stressed up when i found out the ex got another. So i kinda smoked my ass off. Instead of getting drunk. I smoked my ass off. Yea. SMOKED MY ASS OFF. Dammit. then Shir's ex msged her sayign there's underage party at Phunk Bar. Bcoz she's not legal just yet. & i badly want her company. We went to Phunk Bar. I can only say. Oh shit. What a place to go. I enjoy the songs. Not really the company. Like PFfFFFFffT!!! . Then Saga came and bought 2 jugs of JD coke. So erm Shirin drank it all in less than 30 mins. Yikes isnt it. Thanks hun ^.^ & then we headed to MOS. Shir can't go in. In the end headed to Pump Room. The place's kinda. 30 & above o.O But i enjoyed the last song oni. Hahhaa. & Baileys on the rocks.. *shining eyes*

& soo.. We went off at 3 plus. Reached home at 4 plus. Shir bunked in with me. HAhA. Shir. SLeeping with u feels rili lesbian. Serious shit.

Then Mon & tue & wed went out with Bob. Wed afternoon went out with Wan & guess what. Faris' gf is a.. the girl that i made frens with at phunk Bar. Small world la sey. Kite kecoh la skit..
So after that we went to eat at Bugis whereby its hawker centre that was fucking crowded. N i hate the heat. I didn't finish my food because I had food before that. Then we watched a fucking fucked up lame movie called Naraka 19. DO NOT watch it. EVER. ITS a fucked up fucking BULLSHIT la sia. I felt really bad wasting Wan's money. After the show, met Shir after accompanying her somewhere. She was happy. & NEGATIVE had never sounded POSITIVE. *dances* So we went to Beach Rd to eat. Some muttons or something. & we had BBQ chicken wings. Yummiee.. Shir bought ciggies. Sampoerna -.-' I hate e after taste. Then we head backk home and talk3.. Then I was home. Hee. Wed was really simple.

Friday was work. Yes yes. Work. Saturday.. was.. Home all the way. Sun was wek. Mon was.. some shitty stuff happened.

Tuesday was memorable. Daddy said he love me. I was so damn touched. I love him so much. I cudnt cry. Or else my fasting is in a way. Broken. I ended up being in civic library. So yeah. thats that :D & after that accompanied Bob to BBDC. Got his license. *WENG**WENG* then went break fast wit shir at Causeway POint Banquet. Hanged around and smoke. & tadah. Home.


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Tears after Tears after Tears..

Currently doing: Listening to No one else comes close.
Wishing for: Get over the past

I decided . To look back. To my pasy. That am aware which is still haunting me. I want to feel the pain. Not to torture. To squeeze anything out of me. I am aware i won't forget. but at least. I pray I can accept whatever is happening..

I won't plead for anyone's help now. No. I shall immerse myself. With this hurt. Till Ramadhan starts. I shall start. Looking forward. I dun wanna think of anything else. I am hurt. People will be thinkin am hurt by my own decision. No. Am hurt with what words he told me. Its just.. words.

And here i am dear.. Wishing & praying. Ur happy. Every hour. Every minute. Every second. I had a stupid wish. To turn back time. Another part of me says. Its good this happened. So i wudnt end up with a jerk like u. And another part said, we are not meant to be. Mayb just for now. Or maybe never at all.

But dear.. I wanna thank you. For teaching me what's love all about. U were the one I had loved after all. No no. Dun get me wrong. I dun miss u. I just miss what memories u gave me. Our happiness may be shortlived. but. I hope she is ur other means of happiness. Well. I wish .. Just one more wish. To at least, let u go. Or just please. Dun haunt me in my dreams. In my thoughts. Let each other go. PLS. Please..

To Bob & Wan:

I mean like. Both of u really are a good company. Supportin me and all.. I am so sorry that when i fall, u have to carry me up. I dun mean it to happen. I just cant help myself somtimes. Which is y.. I cant bring myself to have more feelings to any one of u. I cant. I just cant. & i dun want to. No. Not now. Not now when am healing. I so love (as frens) the both of u.. I will never forget. Just make sure. U both make me laugh like u always do. Coz i enjoy that.

To Hafez:

Thanks very much for willing to see me take baby steps. I appreciate it. Ur or maybe were in my shoes. I am glad I knew u. Thanks for being there for me and tellin me things tat encouraged me.

To Shirin:

Sweetie darling. Numbing isnt cool at all. I hate numbing. Thanks for being the best of the best even when am not at my best. Thanks for being like my saviour half of the time. I love u so much and i know.. Unlike guys. U never betray me.(still praying so..) If u r a guy. I wud have dated u. *chuckles*

Oh well. Selamat Berpuasa everyone. Puase time must have patience. Sabar. Sabar ialah separuh daripada iman. Insyallah.


Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Days Passed..

I just wanna reminisce all the times. I THOUGHT that the EX was EVERYTHING.. &.. different.. It was a thought.

How much I remembered.. When he said. . I was 'The One' for him. How he said, "After u, I'll never ever fall in love again." "Am gonna wait for u till i die."(i dunno y am like laughing now.) "I want your name to end with 'Taufik'" (p.s. this phrase was just days ago.)..

Well.. Look now. Who's with the words of love and who is without the words of love proving that the person do love. Boys, next time ever u get into a relationship. Never. Ever. Make promises that u know u cant fulfill. Since when boys wait?(I meant to those whoARE like this) & girls, dun ever be deluded. Dun always follow ur heart. Sometimes. U have to use ur brains to think. The moment ur heart sets in. Ur case will be like me. Wasting 3 fucked up years with a common bastard. & that common bastard got everything from me. EVERYTHING wad a guy wud want to get. Since I look like i am on the losing end. Well. I dun think so. I can manage without a companion. He needs someone to like complete him i guess. God knows. I really hope he will treat the new gf well. Or else, I have no other comments.

I need to go suntan soon la. To get Vit D for my belly :P. HAHAHA. Yes. I cant eat favourite crabs or whatever seafood nonsense. *groans*

Oh oh oh oh!! I got in contact with a long lost pal. & am planning to contact alot of frens that e past wudnt allow me to contact. LALALA~..

Till then. I am contented. for now..


Saturday, September 8, 2007


Dear ex has someone new...

It doesn't surprise me..


I thought i was ready ..

Well.. I cried a little..

Why la hor. Why la i must love him.


In. Get over it.

Azwina Fitria Bte Azhar.

U aare MUCH capable of doing better than this & u know it.....

P.s Am gonna get dead drunk tonight. I dun fucken care.


Thursday, September 6, 2007

School ended early.

Current Doing: Listening to songs
Wishing for: To pierce belly ASAP

Now is like 11.10 am sia.
I arrived school around 10.20 like that. Barely there. Suddenly I heard the lesson ended. WTF?! I was feeling so freaked up coz the only words i heard from the lecturer was, "3000 customers","in the database", "in Singapore for 3 years". I Tadah. That was it. WTF?!!!

Ok fine. Now I am like with my classmate in the library playing our laptop. I thank GOD that I feell ike bringin my lappy today. If not i'll get bored to death.l Going home is NOT an option for me now. Haiyoyo. This is bullshit.

Well anyway. Plans for later on. Maybe la meet up with Qid to like go jln2 at town while waitin fer 1800Hrs to come as i wanna pierce me belly around that time. In the meantime I have to go eat and also get what i need to get. N that's a halter clubbing top. Prefer it look simple or something. Yes yes. I can't wait ok. I can't wait to shop. Woohoo.

OK that's that for now. Skool is really boring & i have some projects to do.
Till then..


Wednesday, September 5, 2007


Current Doing: Nothing
Wishing for: To go to School.

I am not being at my best.
Yesterday was hell.. I wasn't in a good mood. I have no idea why. I was damn rude to Wan. I feel bad sia.. I was being a tad sensitive with hafez. No idea why oso. I wasn't in a mood to rili chat with friendly dear Syafiq. & I slept earlier than usual.

I learnt something..
I know i hate being neglected and stuff. I know that alot. I know I will need to be neglected but not on purpose sometimes because people has their lives to go through and that they have work or school or any other stuffs that they like or don't like doing. I have to understand that they can't always be there for me.
Be as busy laaaaaa. And make sure i have no time to feel neglected. Or mayb i will la. But wth kan. I mean they are busy. Its not like they didnt layan me or anything. They called me up. Or went online to chat with me. They know i ought to be online.. So they hope( i think so) that i will get online.

I THINK laaa.. dear EX found someone already, *shrugs*.. Who knooows.. Wish them all e best.. N as for me.. HAHA. Found a FEW. Who are my frens.. Nice frenss...I love them.. I love Bob,Wan,Hafez,Shirin,Syafiq,Shafiq,Hui2,Hasmida,Naziha..They are the beshtestestestestest.

Urm.. I need chocs. I need super brain boosters. I need someone to go out ice skating with me.. I need a pair of blades.. I need a lot of freaking things. dammit. My pay this month is kinda low. Coz i was most of the either late.. & i didnt go work fer 3 days. SICK. k SIIIICK.

Am getting my belly pierced. Mcm YAY2! gituu..
Am out of things to say..

OH YAHH.. Wanna add in la..
SAT, St James Power Stn!! WOHOO. At last la eh clubbing ehk..

N Syaz's bday postponed to next Friday.

This Friday i have no school kaan. So erm.
No idea where to go.

Till then..

Monday, September 3, 2007


Current Doing: Revising on accounting
Wishing for: To understand this shit

SO yes. I have started revising and studyinng at last. Coz I have failed 3 fucken modules and it is really gettin on me.. I can't fail coz i Dun want to fail. Not coz I am scared of my parents but I wanna value their money. So yeah. & i have dreams.& i am currently chasing my dreams. But first. I have to go skool on time. Freak.

Argh. I cant understand a single shit about accounting. At least the others are pretty easy. I need help and i guess I will go to the lecturer to like help me out. If she has no time. I have to head to Vicky. OMG. OMG.


Things to look up on:

Friday- Celebrate Syaz's Bday.

Program?- The only thing i know is manicure.
- Food? Italian Restaurant??
- & erm night. I go Zouk i guess.

Then Saturday..
- Rollerblading. WooHOo!!
-Cuzzie Naz's Pit

- Nuryn's Marriage.

13th Sept
-Fasting month.

18th Sept
-Cuzzie Naz's Bday

22nd Sept
-Syazwan's Bday

Lotsa events uh. Shitos.


Sunday, September 2, 2007

Cinta Pertama

Sunny sunny
Jantungku berdebar tiap kuingat padamu
Sunny Sunny
Mengapa ada yang kurang saat kau tak ada
Sunny Sunny
Melihatmu menyentuhmu itu yang kumau
Kau tak sempat tanyakan aku

Cintakah aku padamu
Tiap kali aku berlutut aku berdoa

Suatu saat kau bisa cinta padaku
Tiap kali aku memanggil di dalam hati
Mana Sunny mana Sunnyku mana Sunnyku

Sunny Sunny
Apa kabarmu kabarku baik baik saja
Sunny Sunny
Begitu banyak cerita tak habis tentangmu
Sunny Sunny
Salamku untukmu dari hati yang terdalam
Kau tak sempat tanyakan aku

Cintakah aku padamu
Tiap kali aku berlutut aku berdoa

Suatu saat kau bisa cinta padaku
Tiap kali aku memanggil di dalam hati
Mana Sunny mana Sunnyku mana Sunnyku

in love with this song.- iQi

BOredoms at full strike

Current Doing: Listening to Malay Songs
Wishing for: Drink & get drunk


I am bored. The only person entertaining me now is Syafiq. Yah. I can call up Bob if i want to. But am in no position to talk much. If I were to call Safwan. I bet he's busy drinking. *roll eyes*
Called Fahmie earlier. Dun wanna kacau him much. Althou he's ard my area.. I shall just let him be. Hafez isn't online. This is fucking saddening. Shirin headed to bed as she has to wake up early tomorrow. I am effin' bored.

There's loads of others i cud call. I don't understand why.. Why i didn't call them.. Is it because.. He told me not to call any other guys? Why do i even listen to him when we're not going on or anything? Is it because i like him? Why do i even have hopes? I mean i know he do like me but.. Why do i even have hopes that rship wud turn out well? ARGHH! Sickening. He dun even have his bike yet. Imagine when he gets a license n a bike? I have to endure all e shit i endured when i was with Fik. Think iQi. THINK!! The only thing i know is this. I am NOT ready for any rship. Yah NO. & well.. I am being selfish.& i love e way i am now..

Not much of problems.. Free. Single.. & emotionally stable.. & *blinks blinks*.. NO WAY LA SEY!! I DUN WANNA LIKE anyone. Whatever uh. I dun want tat because of a guy am not even attached to like affect my emotions. This is so sickening fucking weak of me uh.. Care too much. Whatever nonsense. Whatever. Shitts. Its hard la this stupid MOFO hormones.

I miss..
The times when i have someone who pampers me so much..
The always first good meetings.. Where its always happiest..
The times i really find 'I Love You' meaningful..
The times making love is always a spiritual bonding ritual..
Those laughing times.. Haha...
All happy endings in my life...

Now.. I can only keep memories. I dunno why but am feelin really contented now.. Like. Way damn contented. Happy.. That i have poured.. Whatever i need to.. Hee..~~ I am happy.. SHalalalala~~ I am feeling so light laa.. I dunno y laaaa... N NO ok.. i dun do drugs..

Oh well then people. I am feelin much happy2! *claps2*


Saturday, September 1, 2007


Current Doing: Lying Down Feeling sick.
Wishing for: My nose to stop running

OK LA U ALL. IRRITATING U KNOWWW!! Die2 i need to update. SOrii laaa i forgot to update. Or more to lazy.. OK!! NOW TELL ME.. where shud i start la sey..

Ok. Lets start last Saturday. OK?

Me & Shir planned to go rollerblading on tat day. We dun want e hot hot sun so we went near to evening. We were wearing pretty slacked. nono. VERY slack. Haha. So we head off to ECP by bus 966. LALALA~

By the time we're there.. I was pretty excited oredi. Like looking at everyone rollerblade n stuff.. So we walked a lil bit faster. Went to the first blade/bike rent shop. It was pretty packed la sey... Well i noticed one of the guy workin there kept lookin at me. So i move away from him. We rented a pair or blades fer me and a locker. Then we headed fer e road. HAHA.

Shir was kinda freaking out coz she dun rili blade at places where there's too many people. LOL. i was rili happy to be able to blade again. Heehee.. Around 6 plus.. It was raining. Not that heavy. But raining. It was fuuun.. After that around 7 plus.. .I THOUGHT i saw policeman or something. But it turned out to be those bicycles who has rili colouful blinking lights. Shir laughed at me. I really felt so freaking blonde. Dammit. We bladed for like 2 hours. NON STOP. FUN la seyy... Then when going back, the guy at the shop remember? He asked fer my number. LOL. Then while me n shir walking n smoking. Some group of mats asked fer our number. Me n her gave them a wrong no. The bad thing was tat they also stay ard woodlands. FREAK kan..Then we headed to marine parade to eat. YUm yum. I was super hungry. Then we headed back home. Sleeping in e bus. tiredd.. FUN TIRED FUN TIRED.


2 days ago. I had another depression. It was mayb because am too used to be attached. (to add in. attached but feelin unattached at e same time.THEN). So i have to like get used to e feeling of.. not having a bf. HAHA. Well. I talked to Syafiq abt it.. Syafiq was tryin his besst to make me feel better. lol. Thx. That time.. wanted to talk to Hafez. But he was playing game n needed to sleep.. So i didnt rili told him anything.. Well yeah.. whatever..


Yesterday was work n stuff. before that met my sec school frens. Misses them lots laa.. they r freaaking funny. I wont say much fun but funny. HUHU. Misses them laaa


Me n mom isnt on talking terms for like 1 week oredi. I dun care uh. i love her. But i rili cant b bothered by this attitude of hers. it gets on everyones' nerve. Oh well. BAD news. I failed 3 modules. Passed 1. Irritating sak.

P.s I got hold of Nuryn's PORN VID.. WAHAHAHHAHA. AM EVIL LA SIA..