Friday, November 30, 2007


Current Doing: Self made manicure
Wishing for: Aaron & whip cream

I turned someone into a vampire.
Now. I have someone to rule the dark world together.
& i just had a self manicure.
& its oh so cute.

Just wait till I go to work n if they have a spot check.
I think i'll be dead.
Dun worry.
Hygiene thingy i will wear gloves.
See. protected.
Rubbers are always good.
Oh yeah.
Tmr am gonna be an assembler.
I shud wear gloves.
I dun wanna chop my manicure.
Oh shucks. GIRLS. *roll eyes*

Secrets out:

I always try get a glimpse of him from far.
Haha. Sounds really sec school.
But really. It was rarely i wanna get a glimpse of him.
Even if i put always.
I only meant it when i wanna see him when am BORED.

Oh. Rhen has been a pretty bad friend.
He ignored me. Totally.
Because maybe am closer to Aaron.
I wonder why..
He like me??
Can't be.
URGH. Whatever.
Aishah also e same sia..
But towards Aaron.

Don't know.
Don't care.
Oh i saw that bastard today at work. In the Manager room.
I nearly said fuck big time.
Coz they were bitching abt me.

Nothing much to add in. urgh..


Monday, November 26, 2007

Fun & Tiring week

Current Doing: Lying down
Wishing for: My belly to like HEAL!!

So Sunday was a cooking day for me & Aaron!!
It was alrite at first.. I mean like..
Its my first time cooking with a guy.
What a cute experience. Yippee!

We bought stuffs from Cold storage.
Was planning on Crabs but in the end we just ate salmon, beef and some other snacks here and there. It was a nice experience. When i arrived at his home.. it was still raining. His mom was there.. I was just tongue tied to speak chinese to her so in e end we just speak very brief qns like nice or not? Haha. She gave me a small token of appreciation. Its really.... shocking... Even to Aaron. Well I guess I made her day. Sweet!

We started cooking and stuff at 6 plus. It was.. hot..
Basically we had dinner :)
Then to his room to play games :)

Went back at 10 plus pm..
Reached home at 2349 hours. Wooo~

Was pretty sick after that. With my Flu and my never ending sneeze.

Work has been fine lately. Just that Wed till Fri i started at 3 till 11. Bcoz :

1) Nothing to do at home.
2) Wanna try to be a workaholic (look at wad happen now. FLU + SORE THROAT)
3) Him :P Aaaron.

Yeah. Thats just it.
& work has their embarrassing and funny moments .
Am not gonna tell you because. Its plain embarrassing. Those who were there knew.

Today met him AGAIN. Because he cycled all the way here.
We didn't do anything much. Because there's nothing to do. End up watching tv, he talking to my lil bro and lil sis. Lil sis calling him Ah Beng. & yeah. Thats mostly it. OH OH. n cycled ard. It was fuuuuun!! & painful. & erm.. drank..

Ok thats about him.

Now about the EX. I do not know. I JUST DO NOT KNOW.
Its fading. I know. it is.

P.s When can we do it again :P???? Sunday??


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Just plain updates.

Current Doing: Just chattin
Wishing for: I don't know. Pasta

Major things first.
Sun spose to go with shir to ECP.
I can't.
& i am feeling guilty about it.
Ignored all calls from everyone.

I do not know whats up with me lately.
Sigh. I shall give Shir a surprise then.

I have some pictures that are tryin to look vamp-ish.
Its really cool to me.
Coz it was mainly the make up.
My make up was plain actually. But overall.. Its e skin tone that counted. & i really look pale. Like death.

Argh. Aaron showed me zodiacs and stuffs. Lol. LOL.LOLOLOLOL.


Anyone going ZoukOut? Hmms..


Friday, November 16, 2007

Never been there for me.

U had never been there for me u jerk.
So why the fuck should i even patch up with u?

U were only about what you gonna do.
U were only there if anything is about you..

U were only there if you're e one who wants anything.

U only provide money.
U only provide things.
U were never there physically when i need you.
U were never there when i need to talk.
U were never there when all others were.

So you said you're busy.

Why commit when you know you can't?
Why commit when the special can't fit in ur schedule?
Why commit?
When you know you're gonna hurt her.& urself in e end?

No. You do not know she's hurt.

You of all people. Should know me the best.
How come i'm feeling.
You're the last person to know who i am?

You said i assume things.
I say what I see.
U said actions speaks louder than words.
I say this is what i see.
N this is not an assumption.

& i hate it that am loving you.
But on e other hand.
I am loving it that i hate you.

So please. Don't come near me. Ever.


Thursday, November 15, 2007


Current Doing: Just woke up
Wishing for: Coffee

Lately have been working. Miss working actually. & normal. Lately have been sleepin real late. Arghh..

There's not much updates that i can put in really.

So here are what i know of:

This Sat.
Maybe going to Ulu2 back with Naziha and her bf and some frens. Its her bf's birthday. SO YEAH. But i dunno la.. See first.

This Sun.
Going out with family to celebrate lil sis's birthday at Seoul Garden. Yeah.

Next Sat.
Is Lk's Dinner & Dance. Paid $25 and am goin. So. Yeah.

Any more?
Cant think of any.


Saturday, November 10, 2007

Last & Final last

I told u.
When i say no.
U will keep saying yes.

So now that i am bored of u whining.
When u claimed i don't matter.
I don't know whats ur motive of talking about me.

I shall wait till ur ego cools down.
& that i dun care what ur side gonna think of me.
N now that u really dun matter to me.
I duno what u want from me really.
To beg u? N satisfy ur ego? In ur dreams.
Oh wait. I forgot. I dun matter.
So stop "blah blah" about me.

I didn't think i was perfect.
I didn't think i was as hot or whatever.
I didn't think i will get myself into this kinda 'Girl between Girl' kinda treatment from u.

Oh well. That's just life la kan.
So here's my last talk about u.
& my last msg to u.
Get a Life to bitch about.
Coz if u do have a life.
U wud have just let this situation talked over n Done.
Not bad-mouthing.
I dun expect a sorry from u.
I know ur ego.


Thursday, November 8, 2007

U Tasted it. But u didn't Get it. HAHA

First of all yeah.

Keep ur emotions in tact. Wait. I dun blame u for being angry.
But it doesn't give you any rights to insult me the way you did.
Especially when ur fuckingly assuming alot of shits.

Well boy. I am worse than her (or so u thought) because she LOVES u.
While i Don't.
N if ur assuming am being random. Its really up to you. Even if i say no.
U will say yes.

N ferst. I won't get AIDS by fucking 1 who isnt e kind who fucks around.
Haha. I didn't even fuck you.
I didn't fuck anyone else except the ex.
I didn't want you to like me in the first place.
In the first place i DID told u to GO.
Look who's putting in your ego.
Stop thinkin you can GET whatever you want.
I dun care if i dun matter to you.
I dun care what you wanna call me.
You can call me anything u want.
But u cant call me LOSER.
I lost nothin. Sheesh.

Oh & please.
Quit twist & turnin like i'm HEAD OVER HEELS about you.

Cause the irony is.

I"M NOT EVEN YOURS in the first place. HAHA. In your face bitch.

Cerita ni bobal sini abes sini.

This story ends here. & i am NOT gonna prolong abt it.Sheesh.


Saturday, November 3, 2007

Down to 3 papers

Current Doing: just woke up from a long nap
Wishing for: Food. Am in need of them.

Paper was ok. I tried to recollect whatever i could remember. Whatever.

Came home tired, & hungry.
Am growing super skinny.
& i hate it.

So well. I just woke up. Had a 5 hour nap to be exact.
Was throwing my tantrum around when e family woke me up.

Kinda pissed at Saga.
Called him up yest to bring Shir's blades and when Shir & her sister went there, he didn't bring e blades and he was fuckin drunk. Fuck the bastard. Full time bitch. I hate him.

So Sorry Shir. I make sure we'll get it next Saturday.

I really cant make my entries any interesting.
Because. My life isn't interesting.
Or at times it is just interestingly complicated.
Complications & dramas come in involving friends & boys.


Or maybe I should write more on those..
Talk or Speech of the day from me.
Like what's been happening around me in my society that kinda shit.

I shall think of one next time.


Silent Cries II

I'm not studying.
Fuck. Why?

What is this blogging meant for again?
Wait. Wait.
To share? To speak out? To tell u r boring life?
I dunno.

But for me. Its where I can vent most of my feelings on.

& somehow.. At e end of d dae.. It makes me feel better.
(provided those who read dun rili bring it up again)

Its like. thousands of ppl reading this.
Thats y.. people took it seriously.

What did i get myself into?
Another love trap thingy?

Now that I have walked on & on & on.
Just to come back to e main place.
It suck.

So i am lost. Who to help me?
Oh wait.. I only have myself now. To help me.

Why do i cry?
Because am..hurt? Or am i feeling sorry for myself for being dumb?
Ego down iqi..

I wish i never grew up..

We know u dun mean tat sweets.

I wish i never have met nor knew him.
I wish i never have so to spare myself.
& i dun care if i sound selfish.
True love.. I had tasted is from me rents..

Why search for me when ur not ready?
Why must people like me when i told them not to?
Why dun they listen when i told them not to?
Why say you love me.. When you don't?
Why are you a jerk?
Why do i feel hurt with e person i love most?
Why do you like hurting me?
Why be with me when u know things will never be the same?
Why call me when you don't need me?
Why promise me when you know u can't be there?
Why call me your baby.. When am last on ur list?
Why..God wants me to meet u?

Because.. ur just another. Asshole. Ur just another guy. & i am happy. To think it that way. I hate you.

Anger & Hurt

Silent Cries.

Current Doing: Pondering
Wishing for: -Nil-

I had some fun time just now. It was always the best with the girls. Never the first.. & never gonna be the last to enjoy every single minute with them.
They are always.. What i call. The best memories.. Even when I'm down, when i think of the times am with them. It just lift me up. It gives me hope that I'm just not alone.

So Shir,Syasya & me had chocs orgasm at erm.. I forgot the place's name. Max something But i know its opposite Harry's :) The chocs there are infinite times better than Ms clarity cafe. I am so happy. Like. It was super delicious. I had like lotsa chocs. In the end, syasya n me n shir kinda got hyperactive. Too much chocs. feeling was way better than sex. It's like in heaven. We literally melt in front of other customers. Haha. E BEST la!

So we were enjoying ourselves. We end up walking along Boat Quay to take pictures. Just a note.. Pics are with Shir. So i can't post any of them here :( SO sorrii. Around 9 plus pm we head for e mrt to meet Fik otw at somerset. So yeah. Wwe all went home. Had an interesting convo with Shir about sex as a culture way back long long time ago before any religion was up. So yeah. Thats much about it.

I am gonna write up something i am feeling..

I am sittin here.
Everything that I could remember..
Be it then or now.

I dun remember.. e last time..
someone really loved me.
& really showed it to me.
I dun remember..
someone showed it to me..
Not with money..
But his actions..

Sorry if i sound.. self-centered now.
Coz i learnt Love is that..
No matter what it is..
You always put HER ferst before you.
N vice versa.
Now tell me...

How am i to do that?
When none really convinced me?
None i know really showed?
Or is it just that..
I don't wanna give a chance?
Give e risk?
Bcoz am scared of getting hurt?
Or scared of me hurting them?

What is it i really want?
A perfect man? No. I don't like perfects.
I rather love an ugly guy..
Who really knows how to love me..
N teach me how to love him..
N be there. Teach me What is love. IN every aspect of my life..
A guy who never fears to show his weak side..
N on e other.. Who doesn't take my body as an advantage..
A guy who considers each other's opinions..
Who listens when am not happy/happy.
Who tells me its right to feel whatever am feeling/gonna feel..

A guy who shows. Love is wonderful. Be it hard times we're gonna have. & make me feel am the only woman in this world he loves & will love forever.

Post script ; Please boys. Don't say you can b the one. Coz when ur with me. You know. It's Hard to be one. & please stop saying I won't know if i dun give u boys a chance. Coz i know. U WILL never be one if everything u do , comes with a price. So. Fuck you.


Friday, November 2, 2007

Malay community in Singapore

Current doing: Just woke up
Wishing for: Something to do

Lately. It was kinda boring. Did not really meet up with friends or anything. Was just stuck at home doing house chores.

So you can roughly guess. It WAS boring. Well. I dun really care anyway.

So I have been contacting this Zul. Frankly speaking, he... isn't really my type. But no harm making friends.

Ok. I wanna talk about my race or something. Somehow, some people misunderstood me. They think i'm against my own race. Well i'm not. I just don't fancy mixing with SOME of them. I shall tell you why.

NOTE: Content do not refer to any being. This is all in general and I meant SOME.

1) I was brought up in a slightly different way. Slightly different way of thinking.
2) When I see my own race, lazing around under the blocks, smoking their life away(not that i dun smoke. I already stop like 1 week & tryin my best), and screaming talking laughing their lungs out oh plus the long hours (& i meant ard 12 hrs or so), i don't think i like to portray myself as them.
3) Like I will start wondering, how come a lot of malays out of school? Like they started having kids. HELL. i dun even give a shit if you are rich. But i pity e kid ur bringing/gonna bring up knowing that IF you have no money, what fuck kind of life would that be? Can't u all be a bit more responsible? I dun care u all ruin ur life. But dun ruin the others.
4) I do believe, we malays are LAZY. I admit, at times i could be lazy but don't u ppl have like some motivation or something?

Psychology shows: These kind of people are deprived of attention. Or to say, some have family problems. It always start from their young.
If so that you people knwo something's wrong in e family, why are u people make it look more complicateD? Like, why are u people plain stupid and ignorant? Are u proud of who u become? Well friends told me its hard to stop when u start; be it drugs,booze,fags,fucks. I believe you & i fully understand cause part of e category is me. & to understand you all, is i have to go through it(thou tat isnt really e reason y i did it). But u have to be responsible of ur actions uh. If you wanna stop, find help. If u dun wan, then i am tempted to say ur a dumbfuck but on e other hand, u may have major issues. So I can only say, if you have trouble, get help. Don't because of ur ego, u dun get help and u suffer alone. Hell, u people know all these stuff. Jangan cakap, " Aku tahu...Tapi susah uh". Seriously, keep ur excuses to urself. The world dun care whats ur reason really. As much as i know, the world IS cruel. So you cant expect those ard u to think differently (in a good way) of you. Coz what you're doing is killing ur already freaked up life. I still dun understand why u malays think really short term. I dun understand why u all cant think in a better way. If your life seems bad, you're e one who makes it bad. If things already happened the way they were, try to change it for e better. Not prolong it. I dunno. I am sad. I fear for u all.

Now tell me people. Is it wrong for me not to really mix with my kind? Yes i do mix with some. But they are people who are constructive. & i love them.

Oh well. That's the end for me.

I miss.................

Urs.. iQi