Current Doing: Listening to Usah Lepaskan by Taufik Batisah
Wishing for: Some peace in my mind & heart
I do not know how to start myself. I am feeling more lonely than ever. Although i admit.. Its a neutral feeling. I have always felt lonely. Parents working. I on the other hand.. school, work.. & i rarely talk to them now. Unless we have some family gathering or just a simple dinner. Me & my sis maybe in the same room but we dun rili talk much now.
I told him.. To let me go.. Its not really his fault. I do not know. It sounded petty.. Thats what Shir said as well.. I shall spill my feelings then..
I told him to let me go because.. Lately.. our rship was just.. school,work.. & i wait for him at night.. not cause he told me to.. cause i want to talk to him. I miss him. I care.. & i just want some time with him. Attention for that matter. But.. him.. he's always busy and that he always get tired after work. So it meant that i cant talk to him. He will tell me to go to bed. & this will be an issue. It isnt just once or twice. i tolerated this for quite sometime. & yes. I must understand. I did understand. Understand comes with patience. & my patience was wearing thin. Its like.. I rather not wait for someone knowing i have no one to wait rather than wait coz there is sum1 i am waiting for.. Or to put it,.. I rather have no attention at all than knowing i SHOULD have attention..
I rather be lonely than be left alone.. Coz it hurts.. knowing i have sumone.. but no one at the same time.. I got to know this guy name Azahar. He is really a sweetheart.. But.. I have no serious feelings for him at all. I just cant. No matter how sincere he is. I can't & i don't. Its a different matter.
How much i love taufik.. I cant help myself to follow my mind than my heart. It always come with a price when i follow my head. My emotions. & i just have to keep my emotions intact. I love Taufik for whatever history.
But i know... Our lives.. will never meet again. Never. I am planning to go off to Australia. I hope my parents agrees with me. I need to get away from falling in love..
I need to get away from people i know..
I need to get away from whats life in Sg..
I hate running away.. but..
I have some comlications of myself that i have to handle.
I dun understand myself either..
Please.. God.. I really need peace in me..
I am feeling like I am suffering a big issue although to other ppl's view it isn't. They do not know when they are not the one going it thru NOW be it they HAD or then HAVEN'T.
I am sorry. I just dun think that I'll ever give u a chance to be with me.. No matter what. Ur a great fren to me.. I really suggest u move on and find someone who will really love u back. I am a stubborn slut and if my decision makes me feel more lonely as ever.. I shall be responsible of that myself. Cause i guess i wudnt be here long anyway..
U didnt reply my last msg.. I understand.. u have e right to feel angry and upset and disappointed. I dunno if ur thinking am like all ur ex. I dunno. I dun care either. Well u see. I dun care about nething nemore. & i just hope u find some happiness in ur life. in ur bike. In ur frens. i dunno. Goodbye my love. My last msg to u..