Sunday, July 15, 2007

Haunting Memories

Current doing: Tearing up
Wishing for: Someone to Hug me

The memories that lingered in my mind.
Came at such an awkward and random moment.
I do not understand why I start to cry.
But these thots stay permanent.

Like it all started out.. Since 14.. I start having raging hormones. Rebellious, Attention seeking, Boys, Vanity..

15.. Boys after boys.. Making them a collection.. After date.. Went to a corner.. Where all what i thought was fireworks.. started..

No.. I was a promiscuous bitch.. But I was tight. No one could bed me. I was Queen of abstinence..

I thought I was.. Till I met him...

He.. Who made me feel comfortable. He.. Who made me feel like settling down.. He.. Who changed my whole perspective on relationships.. He.. Who made me feel on top of the world..

For just...



Hell breaks loose..

straight after that.. He.. who start to have feelings for an old friend.. He.. who starts to find other girls' attention.. He.. who never fail to make me cry every night..

On my.... major high school leaving examinations...

In return.. I.. cheated on him.. I went to other guys for attention.. Seeking the kind of love i really need.. First attempt.. Failed... & went sober.. Well I thought i was sober...

2nd attempt.. He.. lied to people i went on with that person for 2 months when i knew him for just 2 weeks..I went really sober.. I swore to myself.. I am going to love him(He)... & only him..

On both occasions.. He.. begged me to forget them.. I sincerely did forget them.. I love him too much.. To put whatever hatred i had for him..

People.. told me I am a fool. Told me I am stupid. Told me I could get someone better. They just try to make me feel better. No one told me.. to go on and see what comes out of this relationship no matter how bad. No one told me to go for e person u love no matter what time i waste. No one tried to make me look at the positive side of all this.. I carried tgus optimistic views.. alone..

NO ONE.. knows everything..

How come...

I managed to suppress all these feelings in 33 months? How did i manage to keep my tears in place?

Am I truthfully feeling?

He is now.. A busy person. He .. told me.. e money is for us.. All i could see is that the money is for his bike.. His design.. I do not understand.. Why... Why he gets tired of me.. Why is he treating me this way.. When he's e one who started all of this? Why am i still with him??

i love him too much...
& no matter what time i wasted..
i shall experience this be it painful or happy ending..

With much pain & happiness..


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