Feelings of guilt, confusion, pain, anger, hatred, miss - all in one.
Separated I am feeling.
Alienated from the rest of the world.
Misunderstood for my feelings.
Sacrificed something I love for those whom I care.
Broken, bruised, scarred... Is what I am now..
For no one knows what I am going through.
For those who knows aren't in my position.
For those who don't know will think am fine.
For those who don't know what happened thinks I'm fine.
And I find my life pretty much pointless at this stage.
Not empty for I have people by my side, I have studies to finish up.
For i find that my life is just to satisfy others. Or I find life is just to think about others and not really one self.
For once when I knew, i was happy. In doubt but glad & joyous. For the hardship that i went through was with meaning.
& now... emptiness.. Easy way out..
I can't rely on my bf too much to support me mentally or morally. He don't understand. Or maybe he does. But the feeling of it is... Worlds apart. I can't rely on my girls much for they have their own lives. They helped me..
But I chose because of those I care. & is it justifiable? It maybe to some..
To me.. It just left me a permanent scar. Something i'll remember forever. I do not know if i'll forgive. But I know i'll never forget. They care. But part of me thinks I shouldn't have decided on it. But what can i do?
Friends told me to stand. I could. Even they told me what's my choice. But I love them. The dilemma there. Brought me to tears of my decision I couldn't even say it.
Night after night.. I cried.. till I fall asleep. Or I just lay awake after cryin hoping I am not gonna dream of it. I sing, talk, all night long... Like I'm losing my mind..
For I think my sanity is slowly fading..
The scar's near. It's so near to my heart..
God. Please tell me. How am I to contain this hurt...? When I feel like I'm the only person in this world carrying this feelings?
Please help me... Someone...