Thursday, July 24, 2008

This is frustrating.

I am spoilt. & pampered.

& i do not know if i can change this. 

I don't know if i can take it if things don't go my way.

I don't know if i can take it if things don't go my way and that am going to throw my temper around and realise it's so mofo childish of me to do that and start gettin moody and truth about me being spat on my face.

I mean. Hell sure I don't mind frankness. But on e other side.. I guess am still human. & at times humans cant accept it. I KNOW i am. But I just hate it when people keep telling me things I already know. 

& now am thinking. Do i.. REALLY love him? Or am i just taking him for granted? With these things on my mind.. I only know that i can't bear to lose him. Not now.. Not ever.. I've considered everything.. & is just that.. I love him on how he pokes me.. Even though he makes me mad.. But its for e best.. I love how he corrects me.. Even though in turn he's gonna be my temper victim. He risked it all.. He risks whatever that'll make me more.. emotionally mature..or how am to think.. He may not be all that mature but he is pretty wise. 

Well. Am now in my solitary mode. Thinking & thinking. Of what I should do. Of what he's feeling. Of what's going to happen. Of almost everything.. & the more he pokes me.. at times.. i think.. the more impossible i see for us to be more than just 'in a rship' mode. But it'll all disappear when I start thinking of what would i lose just because he wants to chge me into a better person? I'll gain.. him & myself..

Arghh.. 10,000 people who maybe reading this will just say am not fucking ready to be in a heavy commitment rship.. It's just true.. I shall take time.. I shall take time to know who i really am...


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