Monday, December 22, 2008

Truth & yet, Lies.

I don't understand. I, made her suffer? 

I don't understand, if they're all not in my dictionary anymore.. then what made me stay? What made me listen to them? What made me.. even try to please them? 

Words being spoken behind my backs without being straight forward confuse me. They always do. I like to hear peoples' opinion or feelings. Like will they feel they lost me if I leave? Or will they feel like they miss me temporary & boom, ok, am gone. Good riddance. 

The clash of mindsets is something I can put up with but not permanent. 

I'm selfish? Isn't everybody? Am selfish to a big extent? Like what? I have mood swings too. But i DO know I did what I think am able to. I hate to point out that she's selfish too. Like i said, who isn't? Just because it happened, & I blamed mom, she doesn't even fucking know how it felt! She doesn't even fucking know how it was. My mistake. I knew. I realised, & I guess there isn't any other problems aside the usual small squabbles isn't it?

Sometimes. She's a two face. I abhore two faces, & am concerned. Especially that we're living under one roof. I have no fucking bad intentions. I just want to live MY way of life. I just don't get it, is it so morally wrong I wanna get married & live somewhere else soon? What does she think of me as? A runaway? Just because am going away? It doesn't mean am deserting my family. She - wait. NO ONE knows how much I value my family, especially my mom. I am not good at showing or expressing but that explains, why I never, in my life, ever once ran away.

I don't know. I am confused, hurt, betrayed & God knows whatever emotions that come & go right now. 

I still can't believe she finds me more of a tormentor than a...

If there's a reason why I should get out of the house soon, she would be the reason. I don't believe in giving when one don't even appreciate it. Rather give nothing, when not sincere.

P.s I can't believe she said I could just forget my families like that. How could she so easily said it.


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