Leading The Single Life

Current Doing: Listening to I wanna fuck you
WIshing for: Booty call.

Yeah. Its the hormones again. I know I want it. But I am controlling. Cause this is seriously not cool. Needing a booty call when ur single. I mean like yeah I have some contacts where i can get it easily. But i ain't that sorta girl.

So i am single. For 4 days. I shall take it as it is as he did not contact me. I didn' contact him. So yeah. I mean i know i can get so called replacements but the current guy Azahar. Isn't a replacement or any sort ok. He's a fren.

My frens told me my hair is nice. Haha. I find it funny. I dunno.. Short hair is a weird feeling for me..

I am missing him. I do admit. I miss him alot. When I look at his pics.. & knowing that he never contacted me.. I start to loathe knowing him. i have no idea why.. I guess thats just how I wanna get over someone. Coz frankly, people told me to cool it off more like.. Just relax. I can relax more now. Not compared to e previous night. Whereby I was crying my heart out.

Although to admit as well.. Azhar was there for me.. To cheer me up. I just wanna say thanks for that. Haha.

Today's exam paper was easy. Paper started at 10am. I arrived school at 10.05 am. I still have 55 mins to go to the exam room. The thing is that I didnt know that there was 3 examination rooms. From level 2 i ran to another block. & suddenly realised that it wasnt myc lass at 10.55 am, i ran to e other block which was a level 1. It was tiring. People thought i came to school VERY late. Which wasn't true..

So here i am. Aza was supposed to call me but i guess he fell asleep. SO its ok. I have my own time for now.. Saw HIM goin online. It wasnt on purpose or nething. Just suddenly saw him. & i felt sad & neutral at the same time. neutral coz its not like i dunno how to be alone. SO its neutral. Sad coz e last drop of the name 'PhiQiQie' isnt there anymore. So there you go. Our chapter ended. Just there.

Plans for this week:

1. Meet Hui2 tmoroow at 6 to go to Night Safari get dinner.
2. This Saturday there's a Rapture concert. Go with Shir xD
3. Upcoming chalet on 30th & 31st. (Glad mom allows me.)
4. Rot my ass off. & work


Love..iQi

Suppressed Feelings

Current Doing: Listening to Usah Lepaskan by Taufik Batisah
Wishing for: Some peace in my mind & heart

I do not know how to start myself. I am feeling more lonely than ever. Although i admit.. Its a neutral feeling. I have always felt lonely. Parents working. I on the other hand.. school, work.. & i rarely talk to them now. Unless we have some family gathering or just a simple dinner. Me & my sis maybe in the same room but we dun rili talk much now.

I told him.. To let me go.. Its not really his fault. I do not know. It sounded petty.. Thats what Shir said as well.. I shall spill my feelings then..
I told him to let me go because.. Lately.. our rship was just.. school,work.. & i wait for him at night.. not cause he told me to.. cause i want to talk to him. I miss him. I care.. & i just want some time with him. Attention for that matter. But.. him.. he's always busy and that he always get tired after work. So it meant that i cant talk to him. He will tell me to go to bed. & this will be an issue. It isnt just once or twice. i tolerated this for quite sometime. & yes. I must understand. I did understand. Understand comes with patience. & my patience was wearing thin. Its like.. I rather not wait for someone knowing i have no one to wait rather than wait coz there is sum1 i am waiting for.. Or to put it,.. I rather have no attention at all than knowing i SHOULD have attention..

I rather be lonely than be left alone.. Coz it hurts.. knowing i have sumone.. but no one at the same time.. I got to know this guy name Azahar. He is really a sweetheart.. But.. I have no serious feelings for him at all. I just cant. No matter how sincere he is. I can't & i don't. Its a different matter.

How much i love taufik.. I cant help myself to follow my mind than my heart. It always come with a price when i follow my head. My emotions. & i just have to keep my emotions intact. I love Taufik for whatever history.

But i know... Our lives.. will never meet again. Never. I am planning to go off to Australia. I hope my parents agrees with me. I need to get away from falling in love..

I need to get away from people i know..
I need to get away from whats life in Sg..
I hate running away.. but..

I have some comlications of myself that i have to handle.
I dun understand myself either..
Please.. God.. I really need peace in me..

I am feeling like I am suffering a big issue although to other ppl's view it isn't. They do not know when they are not the one going it thru NOW be it they HAD or then HAVEN'T.

To Aza..
I am sorry. I just dun think that I'll ever give u a chance to be with me.. No matter what. Ur a great fren to me.. I really suggest u move on and find someone who will really love u back. I am a stubborn slut and if my decision makes me feel more lonely as ever.. I shall be responsible of that myself. Cause i guess i wudnt be here long anyway..

To Taufik..
U didnt reply my last msg.. I understand.. u have e right to feel angry and upset and disappointed. I dunno if ur thinking am like all ur ex. I dunno. I dun care either. Well u see. I dun care about nething nemore. & i just hope u find some happiness in ur life. in ur bike. In ur frens. i dunno. Goodbye my love. My last msg to u..

Love..
iQi

The usual First Entry

Current doing: Waiting for Mr.Bf to call me up.
What I wish : To actually finish up 2 more assignment in 4 days time.


I forgot my old blog Id & pass. *Pfft* Blame my STM head. All right. I hope by making this new blog i will update it regularly because I yet to polish up my English due to work (where all the chefs can't speak/understand certain basic english) & also me trying to learn Mandarin. YES! I am!!

To those who do not know much of my surface. I am schooling full time at MDIS (Management Development Institute of Singapore) takign course in Travel,Tourism & Hospitality Management. I am working part-time at Night Safari Restaurant, Ulu-Ulu.


At work just now, one chef knew I could speak some basic words and understand basic chinese (when they do not speak fast). Unfortunately, he was speaking mandarin to me so fast that i have to guess. Well am lucky I got it quite right. That's why i Need to learn Madarin ASAP.

Ok. I shall update this much for now as i have not edit anything on my blog just yet. Till then, Toodles.

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