Realisation

You know..

I realised that.. I can never pour out my most inner thoughts or feelings unless am emotionally distressed. 

& whenever I read other people's blogs..

It makes me feel... Weird. Like how you pour out your vulnerable side even though it doesn't sound like ur in depression. Or mayb you are.

I don't know. 

You know, i've changed. I have really changed from what I used to be. 
I don't contact other guys unless necessary for let's say games or assignments.

I don't go out 1 on 1 with any of them anymore. & I RARELY make new guy friends. & even though i did, it was all on th net. I used to be super friendly.

Until RonRon showed me what my guy friends actually REALLY wanted from me. 

As usual, I start being an introvert. I don't really open up much.

RonRon taught me whom to really trust. RonRon taught me how to put myself in other people's shoes. RonRon taught me that just because the guys that hurt me suck, there's still other guys that I thought are extinct, still exist. RonRon taught me sacrifice for he showed it me. & in turn, my sacrifice are all pure from my heart. Like listening to him instead of going against him too much. It may sound petty, but it takes a lot of will from my stubborn nature.

RonRon showed me love the way I picture it. Just like my parents'. 
RonRon knows me more than anyone does for he was & IS the only one I had ever open up to most; not even my past rships could ever done.

Ignoring & scolding RonRon makes me feel bad & makes me tear up because doing that to someone I love hurts. 

RonRon taught me love is not sex(I mean DUH I know this).
& sex is not love.

Sex is two bodies together.
Love is two souls together.

RonRon has his flaws. His flaws at times anger me. But him angers me makes me love him more.
RonRon taught me money is not everything. He knows am money minded.

RonRon managed to make me 'si't when he says SIT & 'stay' when he says STAY. He managed to make me say I LOVE YOU that is pure & true from the deepest depths of my heart.

Why do I listen to this guy? Whom I've only known for coming to 10 months? Whom I'm not even able to be sure he's gonna be part of me forever. I don't doubt him. Am doubting fate.

RonRon taught me so much that he forgot to teach me not to fear; Not to fear of losing him.  

& as i realised these, it doesn't matter if he's not going to be with me forever at any point of time or any valid reasons. Because as long as he's with me now and in future, i'll make full use of the time to enjoy his love and warmth.

There. See people? When am emotional for a lot of reasons, this is what happens.

*I love you Aaron AKY.
I rather wish ur here now for me to show you..
Than me having to say these here and not even to your ears...*

iNa