Unnecessary yet necessary tears

Lat few days I have been watching some soppy dramas.

A millionaire's First Love & 1 litre of Tears.


They were great. I liked both because..
The characters really showed immense strength and words of encouragement inw hatever they are facing.. Which.. I have been pretty.. hard to do with..

I understand my leg is temporary.. but..

No one knew how saddening it is not being able to walk properly when ur used to walking properly..

No one knew how hard to just wear undergarments, slippers or jeans...

It may be temporary, I may sound like a whiner.. but that's just how it felt and then i started to wonder about disabled people.. I don't know how but they accepted it as part of them.. They still strive to be normal abnormally.

I am too used to be out in the world instead of home. Reclined to home these few weeks is too much for me. & the person I vent everything was.. on my bf.. Aaron.. I feel bad.. I feel so... useless..

Now that I can walk almost normal, I helped around the house more often..


For my Thalassemia.. tomorrow is the test. Although am not too sure if i still will need to the blood test because I am having my mense.
This month.. its.. not what it always looks like.

Most of the time, my first 3-4 days of mense would be heavy flow.. whereby I use overnight pads at least twice a day. Which meant normal pads would be around 4. Today is my second day of mense.. Its flow is very... little.. Not as much as it used to be... I wonder what's wrong..

Is it because of my condition? Or is it just my head? Or due to e blood test? Knowing blood test just sucks my blood out... I dunno..

I am having allergies as well now.. On my eyes.. They puffed up so bad.. That i can hardly open my eyes... They itched like hell and swelled up and i feel the swelling pulsed and that causes it to hurt.

Oh well.. I know i'll get over them soon though. Be it am low red blood cells or not.. I love my family.. & i love Aaron & me frens a lot..

& now my abdomen hurts a lil.....

iNa

Low Blood

I just went for my blood test.

I went there around 3 plus pm. & just got back not long ago.

This is how it went.

Doc took my blood test on the left hand.
Blood didn't come out.
So poked the needle on my right hand.
And oh god. I hate the pokey feeling. It's uncomfortable.

Went back to the waiting area to wait for my previous doc to call me up.
I felt faint. I wanted to just faint. The same sensation where I felt few days back came. Light headed, nausea, whole body feel cold. It's not a pleasant feeling all 3 at the same time. I had to lie down on e  bench which i did.

The doc finally called.
& he said, "You sure you're not having fever?" I replied yes of cause.
& then he told me to wait in the office and he go to the lab to confirm my blood test again..

& he came back & said that my haemoglobin is slightly on the low side which makes me slightly anaemic. & he adds in that.. I mayb a Thalassemia suspect. Some blood thingy that may caused me to be anaemic. oh hell.

At that point i wonder how serious it is but after doing some research on it, if i'm a Thalassemia minor(which thankfully e way i see it with all e symptoms i AM), giving birth and all those things won't be much of a problem compared to Thalassemia Major. Phew.

I have another appointment in a week. & 3 days before the appointment, I will need to come again for another blood test. I hope someone will be with me so if i feel faint, he/she can help me.  Oh well. Oh & i have another appointment with SGH on 3rd March. Freakingly pathetic!

i am a POTENTIAL doctor fear-er (if there's any word like it, that's what i'll use).

iNa

Getting Much Better

Current Mood: Pretty much pissed


Lately happenings:

2 days ago was my cousin's wedding on my dad's side.
It was pretty much ordinary but the one that's interesting is that they have this traditional malay entertainment called 'Kuda Kepang'. & also they had dinner which involves swords and soldiers.
I was too tired halfway round. & most of the time i was eating and drinking.

My injury/foot was the center of attention because i was limping. my goodness. It was broadcasted and it was really embarrassing.

Yesterday went to Night Safari to pass my MCs and just eat there and look around. It was fun because i went with baby & lil bro & mom. So we had some adult talk with Mom. It was interesting because Mom rarely talk to any of my past bfs or what not. So I guess most prolly its because Aaron's non-muslim so yeah.

Today Dad went to MDIS to pay my remodule & sup paper fees. I didn't know he USED MY nets & left me with a pathetic $50 inside!! FUCK SIA! From 200++ yill 50. SHIT FUCK SIAL. I nearly screamed at him. WTF?! AAAAAARGH!!  Whatever ah! So back to school for me. Not to say i can't wait or anything, just that I WANNA GET OVER SCHOOLING AND START WORKING FOR MY FURTHER STUDYING!! DAMN!!

iNa

8th day of Pain

My mind's gonna explode anytime!

I can't stand this!

I can't stand being at home.
Bedridden.

Go kitchen just to find food or cook for myself.

& whenever i start walking to see if I can walk..
I still can't.. Sobs..


This is ever depressing.
This is fucking depressing.

EEvery morning I wake up to feel my foot free of pain..

When I stood up.. I winced in pain.

Sobs.. This is ever fucking effin IOWJFO heoghesn L!*#@(*$ depressing sia!

I seriously wanna cry!

But i do thank God i have baby to entertain me..

& i really wish & hope he wont need to work tomorrow..
I am going insane..

Bed ridden its bad enough. Imagine bed riddenwith no entertainment from ur love one!

Siblings schooling.
Dad & Mom goin cuzzie's ROM.

Sigh.. Helpless.

I have been cranky lately. Snapping and being unreasonable towards Aaron.
I cant help it. Stupid hormones. am sorry!


iNa

1 week of pain..

Cravings slightly fulfilled.

Baby bought me Starbucks. He just forgot to add my shots. & vanilla.
 Oh btw. Happy Valentine's Day people!

Baby boy met me outside my house just now.
We played his DS & chill. Talk.

& he bought me bracelet! Oh GOSH!

Butterfly!

Thanks baby! I super appreciate & love it..

I miss work.

& as usual I am online shopping.

Cuzzie from Aust came to attend one of our cousin's wedding.
I hope I am able to walk by then.

I wanna enjoy my time with em. Arghhh..

iNa

Blog hopping

I was blog hopping.

Yes I am so dead bored. & i came across one of this blogger who if I remember a 16 year old. She/He was talking about examinations and being the top and so on. I daresay her English is really not bad. I mean it's better than mine if i can remember. She has a pretty wide vocab.
Ok stop it.

What I just wanna think through was how my mind was like when I can have all the time studying and now less study but more work.

I really wish that those who are still in their primary or secondary schools really go all out for their studies. Frankly, I regret not giving my all out( even though i passed -.-), and am stuck in MDIS. Its like, its the easiest basic stuff and its kinda stupid if u think its a waste of time and things like that. I do understand though how it felt when i was around that age. Lazy, playful, cheeky, not focused, rebellious. Haha.

Now as I grow older, a whole new way of thinking things through and trying to scrape myself out of this hole of 'Danger! Kid-With-No-Qualifications' ! Saddening yeah. I do have aims. & I am aiming to study abroad. I just can't wait till I earn enough funds. Hell yeah..

P.s Leg is still not cured yet. Damn.

iNa

5th Day in Pain

Wishing for: Starbucks :(

Now that I can't go out anywhere, I am confined to bed till further notice.
This is ticking me off by the day.

I want to be well by Wednesday. I can't stand not working.
Now is seriously the time i want a massage.
Auntie!! Please massage meee~~~!!

But on the other hand..
Since I cant walk..
My hands still can move..
& i went online shopping.
Bought some VS stuffs.
A top & 2 bags cost me SGD $145.
Cool uh. Fyi, its e shipping fees that suck.

So at any moment. I am bored.
I am fucking bored because my games aren't with me.
Aside from Baby's DS.
I am bored because I have nothing to do.
Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Baby is sick.
Hooray for that -.-.
Just my bad day.

iNa

4th Day of Pain

Wishing for: EHD & Leg to Walk & Aaron.

So today is my 4th day bed ridden. Shit man. As usual I feel crippled.

Yesterday, Aaron Ang (HAHA) came to my house.
We were supposed to extend our MC cause I still can't walk & his fingers are not strong to carry whatever he has to carry or cut at work.

So Dad drove us to Silvercross Clinic opposite Marsiling MRT.
Stupid pain killer gave me allergies. Thank God it didn't really show when i met Aaron Ang(HAHA).

He piggy backed me as usual, cause I can only hop with one leg and it seriously took a lot of energy from me. I was sweating after hopping a distance of less than 100m. Serious shit.

When we got back, Aaron stayed for late lunch and he learnt to eat with his hands. Cool uh. I dunno wad was his thinking but u can find out on his blog.

& mom joked, in malay, saying," Now he learns to eat with his hands.. In time to come he will learn to wash up with his hands as well.." I laughed. He didn't have a clue. Hahahahahaha. 

& he stayed around till 11 plus pm. It was pretty fun. We got 2 more days MC. & i hope I get well by then.

2 more days to my 2 months. HeeHee. & 4 more to Valentine's Day. 

He bought Bon Voyage. &. Am to buy Sims 2 Free Time.

I love Aaron

iNa

3rd Day of Pain

Haha.

So baby boy & me still can't go to work for this whole week most probably.

It's fucking saddening cause i want money o.o
& i had to miss out on all e fun times of being busy at work during CNY.
Fucking hell la.

I am freakingly sorry to those working.
I dunno if my presence there makes a difference or not.
Am just sorry..

So whatever it is..
I pray to get better soon.
So i can get out of this bed( i have enough of my bed oredi).

Tomorrow most prolly go to clinic with Aaron.
To extend our MC.

I love Aaron la.

iNa

CNY surprise

On CNY.
Stuck at home.
Writhing in pain!! MOTHERFUCKING pain sial!!
SIA LAAAA
E PAIN!!!

Spent my past few hours at Singapore General Hospital with baby..
All because of falling down. Haha.
We were walking around exploring Chinatown after work.
That was around 1 am or so. It was jam packed.
Lots of prostitutes i saw.
Seriously like my ferst time looking at em up close(aside frm my baby sitter's acquaintances).
They are ugly & transexuals e prost! & the ang moh gay men likes them. (i mean like obviously they should know the prost is transexual so that makes em gay rite?I DUN CARE. THEY ARE GAY!)

Then we planned to go Lau Pa Sat to eat.
We were walking on one desserted road alley and i wanted to sit on baby's shoulders. Then e others sort of challenged e others to run,while am on his shoulders. Told himm not to but well boys being boys, got a lil excited and ran. Haha
I closed my eyes..
By then i got a feeling am gonna fall...
& he tried to stop.. but couldn't, & so we fell while he tried to save my left leg, irony was, i sprained my left leg badly. Right leg abrasions but not harmed. I was on the floor tryin not to cry. Hee. Am strong girl!

So they did somethin to my leg that felt like forever. & i realised I couldn't walk. Baby had some abrasions on his knuckles.. It kept bleeding. & he bruised his shoulder & knee cap and left hand mostly. He still offered to piggy back me all the way to Lau pa sat. I so love him for doin tat.

We ate for a while & around 3 plus went to SGH. Doc said its just some sprain or something. We can't go to work for a few days now. Oh & made small chats with some patients there. Damn fun.
We only get to sleep at 7 am. In baby's house. & i so love him.

& am so loving this fucking pain. fuck.

iNa

The Best or The Least

If you happen to read my entry title for this one.. It just has no meaning.

I do realise that I have not been updating my 'interesting' life. Haha.
Because I have nothin much to talk about.
It's more like even if I were to try & describe the funny/embarrasing/red-faced/hide one corner/etc moments, its hard & you will find it lame or something.

But oh well.
For the past few months that I have started working again, I am not really close to my family anymore. It suck. Because I don't feel the bonding. & i spend almost 12 hours outside and another few m ore hours sleeping.

When i woke up, dad mom wont be home, add in lil sis & lil bro.
When i come home, all of them will be asleep.
Add in schooling. Damn. like 3 or 4 more months of schooling.
Shit ass.

My mind was the fastest speed a snail could go today. Fuck. I seriously don't know wtfh is wrong with me today. & no its not about BF duh! Like I can keep thinkin of him some other time. I am just stressed out of what work I should be doing after this. Mom & Dad don't want me to continue at Ulu2. They want me to get a job over at one CC around khatib. I forgot where. The pay is around erm.. 6 per hour i think. I don't know!! I can find other F&B outlets which pays me higher as well. But u see.. I have to have experience. ARGH! DAMN! The only experience I get in Ulu is being stuck in Noodle doing cashier & assembler & teaching me how to multi-task! I don't even get to do Maitre-De :( or Gourmet :( or CNY dining :( Fuck sia. I ain't happy.  Serious shit. Sigh...

Pay came in. I have lots of things to pay this month.

Mom & Dad - $50 respectively ($100)
Hp Bill - $45.90
Sup Paper - $32

Saving - $60 (future hp bill >.>[estimate])

Am left with $338.10 to spend. -.-
I must start learning how to save. Damn it.


I love you Aaron. I love it when we have those heart to heart talks.
& i know now, i matter to u..Just like u matter a lot to me..

iNa