Haunts. Back. Me. Argh!

Current doing: Just finished reading F&B Mngmt
WIshing for: A freaking smoke!!!

I shall voice what i have been doing the past God knows how many days.
I shall start all the way last last SaturdAY.
Lotsa things happened actually.

Ok. Went to Cuzzie Naziha's bdae BBQ pit. It was alrite. But it was nicer in the evening. I made frens:) Again :) & found someone I know :) Again:) & sooo... Me & shir went rollerblading. I shall rush this entry. I fell down coz i rolled over mud. Dammit. & i scar-ed myself! Shitty la sey. & then a by passer helped me up. thank God. I wasn't embarassed or anything. It's painful!! & so blade a bit more here and there. Then around 8.30pm sent back. Oh well. I was stressed up when i found out the ex got another. So i kinda smoked my ass off. Instead of getting drunk. I smoked my ass off. Yea. SMOKED MY ASS OFF. Dammit. then Shir's ex msged her sayign there's underage party at Phunk Bar. Bcoz she's not legal just yet. & i badly want her company. We went to Phunk Bar. I can only say. Oh shit. What a place to go. I enjoy the songs. Not really the company. Like PFfFFFFffT!!! . Then Saga came and bought 2 jugs of JD coke. So erm Shirin drank it all in less than 30 mins. Yikes isnt it. Thanks hun ^.^ & then we headed to MOS. Shir can't go in. In the end headed to Pump Room. The place's kinda. 30 & above o.O But i enjoyed the last song oni. Hahhaa. & Baileys on the rocks.. *shining eyes*

& soo.. We went off at 3 plus. Reached home at 4 plus. Shir bunked in with me. HAhA. Shir. SLeeping with u feels rili lesbian. Serious shit.

Then Mon & tue & wed went out with Bob. Wed afternoon went out with Wan & guess what. Faris' gf is a.. the girl that i made frens with at phunk Bar. Small world la sey. Kite kecoh la skit..
So after that we went to eat at Bugis whereby its hawker centre that was fucking crowded. N i hate the heat. I didn't finish my food because I had food before that. Then we watched a fucking fucked up lame movie called Naraka 19. DO NOT watch it. EVER. ITS a fucked up fucking BULLSHIT la sia. I felt really bad wasting Wan's money. After the show, met Shir after accompanying her somewhere. She was happy. & NEGATIVE had never sounded POSITIVE. *dances* So we went to Beach Rd to eat. Some muttons or something. & we had BBQ chicken wings. Yummiee.. Shir bought ciggies. Sampoerna -.-' I hate e after taste. Then we head backk home and talk3.. Then I was home. Hee. Wed was really simple.

Friday was work. Yes yes. Work. Saturday.. was.. Home all the way. Sun was wek. Mon was.. some shitty stuff happened.

Tuesday was memorable. Daddy said he love me. I was so damn touched. I love him so much. I cudnt cry. Or else my fasting is in a way. Broken. I ended up being in civic library. So yeah. thats that :D & after that accompanied Bob to BBDC. Got his license. *WENG**WENG* then went break fast wit shir at Causeway POint Banquet. Hanged around and smoke. & tadah. Home.

iQi

Tears after Tears after Tears..

Currently doing: Listening to No one else comes close.
Wishing for: Get over the past

I decided . To look back. To my pasy. That am aware which is still haunting me. I want to feel the pain. Not to torture. To squeeze anything out of me. I am aware i won't forget. but at least. I pray I can accept whatever is happening..

I won't plead for anyone's help now. No. I shall immerse myself. With this hurt. Till Ramadhan starts. I shall start. Looking forward. I dun wanna think of anything else. I am hurt. People will be thinkin am hurt by my own decision. No. Am hurt with what words he told me. Its just.. words.

And here i am dear.. Wishing & praying. Ur happy. Every hour. Every minute. Every second. I had a stupid wish. To turn back time. Another part of me says. Its good this happened. So i wudnt end up with a jerk like u. And another part said, we are not meant to be. Mayb just for now. Or maybe never at all.

But dear.. I wanna thank you. For teaching me what's love all about. U were the one I had loved after all. No no. Dun get me wrong. I dun miss u. I just miss what memories u gave me. Our happiness may be shortlived. but. I hope she is ur other means of happiness. Well. I wish .. Just one more wish. To at least, let u go. Or just please. Dun haunt me in my dreams. In my thoughts. Let each other go. PLS. Please..

To Bob & Wan:

I mean like. Both of u really are a good company. Supportin me and all.. I am so sorry that when i fall, u have to carry me up. I dun mean it to happen. I just cant help myself somtimes. Which is y.. I cant bring myself to have more feelings to any one of u. I cant. I just cant. & i dun want to. No. Not now. Not now when am healing. I so love (as frens) the both of u.. I will never forget. Just make sure. U both make me laugh like u always do. Coz i enjoy that.

To Hafez:

Thanks very much for willing to see me take baby steps. I appreciate it. Ur or maybe were in my shoes. I am glad I knew u. Thanks for being there for me and tellin me things tat encouraged me.

To Shirin:

Sweetie darling. Numbing isnt cool at all. I hate numbing. Thanks for being the best of the best even when am not at my best. Thanks for being like my saviour half of the time. I love u so much and i know.. Unlike guys. U never betray me.(still praying so..) If u r a guy. I wud have dated u. *chuckles*

Oh well. Selamat Berpuasa everyone. Puase time must have patience. Sabar. Sabar ialah separuh daripada iman. Insyallah.

iQi

Days Passed..

I just wanna reminisce all the times. I THOUGHT that the EX was EVERYTHING.. &.. different.. It was a thought.

How much I remembered.. When he said. . I was 'The One' for him. How he said, "After u, I'll never ever fall in love again." "Am gonna wait for u till i die."(i dunno y am like laughing now.) "I want your name to end with 'Taufik'" (p.s. this phrase was just days ago.)..

Well.. Look now. Who's with the words of love and who is without the words of love proving that the person do love. Boys, next time ever u get into a relationship. Never. Ever. Make promises that u know u cant fulfill. Since when boys wait?(I meant to those whoARE like this) & girls, dun ever be deluded. Dun always follow ur heart. Sometimes. U have to use ur brains to think. The moment ur heart sets in. Ur case will be like me. Wasting 3 fucked up years with a common bastard. & that common bastard got everything from me. EVERYTHING wad a guy wud want to get. Since I look like i am on the losing end. Well. I dun think so. I can manage without a companion. He needs someone to like complete him i guess. God knows. I really hope he will treat the new gf well. Or else, I have no other comments.

I need to go suntan soon la. To get Vit D for my belly :P. HAHAHA. Yes. I cant eat favourite crabs or whatever seafood nonsense. *groans*

Oh oh oh oh!! I got in contact with a long lost pal. & am planning to contact alot of frens that e past wudnt allow me to contact. LALALA~..

Till then. I am contented. for now..

iQi

Dis-Illussioned

Dear ex has someone new...

It doesn't surprise me..

But....

I thought i was ready ..

Well.. I cried a little..

Why la hor. Why la i must love him.

Fuck it. FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT.


In. Get over it.

Azwina Fitria Bte Azhar.

U aare MUCH capable of doing better than this & u know it.....
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P.s Am gonna get dead drunk tonight. I dun fucken care.


iQi

School ended early.

Current Doing: Listening to songs
Wishing for: To pierce belly ASAP

Now is like 11.10 am sia.
I arrived school around 10.20 like that. Barely there. Suddenly I heard the lesson ended. WTF?! I was feeling so freaked up coz the only words i heard from the lecturer was, "3000 customers","in the database", "in Singapore for 3 years". I Tadah. That was it. WTF?!!!

Ok fine. Now I am like with my classmate in the library playing our laptop. I thank GOD that I feell ike bringin my lappy today. If not i'll get bored to death.l Going home is NOT an option for me now. Haiyoyo. This is bullshit.

Well anyway. Plans for later on. Maybe la meet up with Qid to like go jln2 at town while waitin fer 1800Hrs to come as i wanna pierce me belly around that time. In the meantime I have to go eat and also get what i need to get. N that's a halter clubbing top. Prefer it look simple or something. Yes yes. I can't wait ok. I can't wait to shop. Woohoo.

OK that's that for now. Skool is really boring & i have some projects to do.
Till then..

iQi